“Let me start with something that kind of blew my mind:
All these Nintendo books were a Seth Godin joint. Yeah, THAT Seth Godin. The Linchpin guy.
Don’t be fooled, from what I’m reading, Godin didn’t actually pen this one. All the Worlds of Power books were written under the pen name F.X. Nine, which was a name used by a collection of authors.
This one belongs squarely to Ellen Miles, who appears to be primarily a writer of children’s books about puppies.
Now let me talk about a little something that pissed me the hell off:
This book has Mega Man 2 tips in it at the end of some chapters. Which seems awesome, and in a pre-internet age would have been helpful. However, these tips are bullshit!
I don’t want to get all nerdy and talk continuity errors in the Megaverse here, but one tip tells players that beating the levels in the same order as they’re written about equals success. This is a whole thing in Mega Man. You can pick the order you fight the other evil robots, and then use their powers to fight other evil robots. So I get a buzzsaw, see a guy who looks like a big tree, and that seems pretty simple. The problem, I looked at quite a few different orders you could use to beat the game, and NONE MATCHED THE ONE IN THIS BOOK! Now, at first I thought it was so cool that the book contained this secret. Maybe a good trick to get a kid to read. But you make the kid read, then punish the little dweeb with bad information? For shame. Here’s a guide with SIX ways to go about it, all different from the one laid out in the book (http://www.gamefaqs.com/nes/563442-mega-man-2/faqs/24140).
There’s also this subplot where Mega Man has somehow been turned human. Which doesn’t make sense and also has no effect. He still drinks energy tanks, whatever the hell those are, and still has all his robobilities. It reminds me a little of the Japanese kid who drank gasoline in order to become a Transformer. “I wondered why the house smelled like petrol” his father said. Jesus (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5877824/Boy-drinks-petrol-to-become-Transformer.html)
Okay, all that aside, my least favorite part was that Mega Man had to make with a terrible pun every time he beat a bad guy. “I guess you’re all hot air, Air Man!” and stuff like that.
In honor of this great achievenemnt, and because I don’t like to complain about things without taking a stab myself, here’s my puns for all robot masters.
1.) Air Man: Looks like you got blowed, Air Man.
2.) Aqua Man: Aqua Man? More like Aquaman, the comic character people love to hate!
3.) Astro Man: Maybe you should call yourself Astro Boy. Wait, no. He’s an awesome robot. Scratch that. You suck.
4.) Blade Man: I guess you’re not…cut out for this gig.
5.) Blizzard Man: You’re a blizzard, I’m the snow plow. Boom.
6.) Bomb Man: I’d say I’m da bomb now. Idiot.
7.) Bright Man: Not so bright without a head and hard-earned robot consciousness, are you?
8.) Bubble Man: You just got popped, son.
9.) Burner Man: Stick to warming up Hamburger Helper for the lonely, Burner Man.
10.) Burst Man: Pardon you while you burst.
11.) Centaur Man: Haha, oh god. Why even bother?
12.) Charge Man: Now I’m in…charge!
13.) Chill Man: The heat is on. Your face. Which I’m shooting with my gun.
14.) Cloud Man: [shoots head off, which goes flying] He always had his…head in the clouds.
15.) Clown Man: Joke’s on you.
16.) Cold Man: It’s about to be a cold day in hell.
17.) Commando Man: The only thing you’re in command of is your own explosion!
18.) Concrete Man: Hit the bricks.
19.) Crash Man: You’ve just been bandicooted.
20.) Crystal Man: Lose to Crystal? Not even once.
21.) Cut Man: Maybe console yourself with self-harm. Wow, that’s dark.
22.) Dive Man: Take the V out of your name and it’s more accurate.
23.) Drill Man: More like Man Drill. A monkey. You, sir, are a monkey.
24.) Dust Man: When you get to hell, tell Dyson I sent you.
25.) Dynamo Man: Quit dynamoanin’ and die already.
26.) Elec Man: Your life, like your name, has been shortened in a real weird way.
27.) Fire Man: Extinguished.
28.) Flame Man: Extinguished. Hell, he wasn’t there for the Fire Man thing. I can use it twice.
29.) Flash Man: You’ve been flushed. Oh, it’s FLASH man? Eh, still works.
30.) Freeze Man: You’ve just been put in the defroster, aka porch.
31.) Frost Man: Balls. Should have looked ahead before that frost line.
32.) Galaxy Man: Where’s your guardians now?
33.) Gemini Man: Prepare to be Capricorned.
34.) Gravity Man: What goes up, must come exploded.
35.) Grenade Man: Somebody pulled your pin.
36.) Ground Man: You’re grounded.
37.) Guts Man: Sorry to..spill your guts. Gah, that’s gross.
38.) Gyro Man: Is it…like “hero” man? Like the sandwich?
39.) Hard Man: Looks like someone went limp.
40.) Heat Man: Jesus, how many fuckin’ fire guys are there?
41.) Hornet Man: Go back to Charlotte and aqua Starter jackets where you belong.
42.) Ice Man: Hey. Chill. Chill out. Stay cool. No? Nothing?
43.) Jewel Man: Here’s how 5 months blasting can last your whole death.
44.) Junk Man: I guess you should have left that junk in the trunk.
45.) Knight Man: Sorry to get so medieval
.
46.) Magic Man: Say these magic words: Hocus Blowupcus.
47.) Magma Man: That’s uncomfortable close to Mega Man somehow. I’m glad you’re not alive now.
48.) Magnet Man: A very polarizing figure.
49.) Metal Man: Metal’s dead, man.
50.) Napalm Man: Nothing like the smell of no Napalm Man alive in the morning.
51.) Needle Man: This one’s all sewn up.
52.) Nitro Man: You sound like an energy drink. SOUNDED. Sorry, you’re dead. It’s past tense.
53.) Oil Man: You’ve been greased.
54.) Pharaoh Man: Enjoy an eternity of rest with this charred cat.
55.) Pirate Man: Swashed his buckle.
56.) Plant Man: Maybe you should have made better plants. Like plans, but with a T.
57.) Plug Man: Like my favorite televised Nirvana concert, you’ve been unplugged.
58.) Pump Man: Next time you’ll watch where you’re pumping.
59.) Quick Man: 1-minute man is right.
60.) Ring Man: C-Ring man.
61.) Search Man: Looks like I seeked and destroyed. Is there a grammar man coming? I hope to hell there isn’t.
62.) Shade Man: Lights out! Wait, ON!
63.) Shadow Man: You’re a puppet now. Of a friend of mine. Perhaps you’ve heard of him. The Grim Reaper!
64.) Sheep Man: You followed me to your doom.
65.) Skull Man: I got through that thick skull of yours.
66.) Slash Man: Every rose has its thorn.
67.) Snake Man: I rattled his cage.
68.) Solar Man: You should have Begley’ed for your life.
69.) Spark Man: In the end, you just fizzled out.
70.) Splash Woman: Just a splash in the pan. Apparently I’m eating my enemies now. God, what have I become?
71.) Spring Man: Spring has sprung.
72.) Star Man: Just like a real star, you’ve been dead for ages already.
73.) Stone Man: Come together with your hands! SAVE ME!
74.) Strike Man: I 7-10 split this fool in half.
75.) Sword Man: The sword is back in the stone. Or, more accurately, this dude’s groin.
76.) Tengu Man: Tengu un dia terible!
77.) Time Man: It’s TIME you blowed up.
78.) Toad Man: There he goes. Warts and all.
79.) Tomahawk Man: Luckily I fought Diseased Blanket Man first.
80.) Top Man: Bottom man.
81.) Tornado Man: You’ve just been Bill Paxton’ed.
82.) Turbo Man: Turd-o man.
83.) Wave Man: WAVE bye-bye.
84.) Wind Man: I knew you’d always wind up dead. And if it’s wind as in blowing, you should have been more specific.
85.) Wood Man: Who put the wood to who this time?
86.) Yamato Man: Er. Eat shit.
“