“Luigi A Number One: Why Luigi is the Best Thing to Ever Happen to This Godforsaken Planet That We Live On”

“You can’t rate this anything but 5 stars because if you do, you only demonstrate that you’re a moron.

If you look at the title, author, and description, you will get precisely what you should expect. This includes speculation on whether or not Luigi believes in the flat Earth theory, whether Laikitu and Luigi are secret friends (both have an affinity for green), and reasons why Luigi’s 2-tuft mustache are superior to Mario’s multi-tuft jobber (because it’s 2 tufts. I guess that one’s self-explanatory).

Anyone who rates this with a single star out of five is a moron. WHAT DID YOU POSSIBLY THINK THIS WAS GOING TO BE? A poetic novel? A collection of prose poems about consumer culture?

Of course not. It’s a bunch of borderline-copyright-violating, silly Luigi shit, and that’s why I’m giving it 5 stars. Because I’m not fucking stupid.”