Well, I’ve got quarters. God knows I’ve got a couple minutes. Let’s check the options here…
Kay. Red ball things. Does anyone know what these are? Has anyone ever eaten these red mystery balls of mystery and intrigue? Because I feel like they could be anything. Failed Hot Tamales. Some kind of cherry something. These could, COULD taste like goddamn human flesh for all I know.
Perfect. Little crazy gum squares where the flavor lasts ALMOST enough to bite through the goddamn thing. I don’t know who that bastard Dennis the Menace kid on front is, but he should know he’s endorsing a load of total horseshit. This would be a good value if you got about a garbage bag filled with these. And if you could swallow them without fear of getting tetanus.
I feel like they should have left the shells on these pistachios. Because then I might not notice that they are dark, dark brown. Darker than the darkest heart of the worstest person in this laundromat when he’s inside the bathroom where the light doesn’t work, a situation that may be terrible but might be a godsend.
Well, this is the perfect thing to have at the laundromat. A kid can run all over the goddam place bouncing a ball. Seems like a good spot for it, somewhere that people come to wash their meth trailer clothes of drug dealer blood and wonder if they can take over a small eastern Colorado drug empire long enough to afford a washing machine.