Expectation:
Breaking a board in half with a karate chop.
Reality:
Sitting on the floor and listening to how it’s important to not karate people.
Expectation:
Smashing cinderblocks with my face.
Reality:
Running barefoot on a carpeted track until I started coughin.
Expectation:
Addressing the best moves from the TMNT movies.
Reality:
Not even addressing the best moves from The Secret of the Ooze.
Expectation:
Street fights with rival karate gyms who value toughness and bullying over honor and old Asian men.
Reality:
Punch-dancing with people who go to your same karate place every so often.
Expectation:
Finally having an after-school confrontation victory after years of being pushed around.
Reality:
Be further mocked for taking karate.
Expectation:
Nunchucks
Reality:
None. None nunchucks.
Expectation:
Smoke bombs allowing for the perfect, traceless escape.
Reality:
Exiting the basement of the rec center via the stairs, and there’ll be a lot of extra running for anyone who thinks he’s a joker and takes the elevator.