I’m sure you’ve heard the news, our hard-hitting journalist friend Jimmy Fallon interviewed none other than Donald Trump.
I, for one, am outraged. But I shouldn’t be so surprised. Even though he won our hearts with his award-winning journalism and willingness to go into the trenches for a hot scoop, Fallon has shown a blatant disregard for many social issues as of late.
For example, he did not change his Facebook profile pic to have a rainbow overlay after the shootings in Orlando. Nor did he change his profile pic to that red white and blue thing after the violence in France. He hardly changes his FB profile pic at all! It’s like his Facebook profile pic doesn’t even care about violence in the world. How are we supposed to take seriously someone who doesn’t at the very least make this small effort? How are we to know how he feels about these crucial issues if he doesn’t comment on them directly by going to a site that adds a colorful overlay to his picture? And if we don’t KNOW how he feels, we must assume that he’s pro-whatever is bad. As we all know, it’s crucial to let everyone know you stand with whoever, even if you have 14 Twitter followers, bust out that hashtag within 24 hours or you’re toast. You’ll be down to 12 followers in the blink of an eye, and not just because 1/4 of all followers are weird porn bot ladies.
When Mr. Trump appeared, I wanted to hear the tough questions. Why didn’t I hear the words “Dow Jones Industrial Average,” whatever they may mean? Why didn’t someone mention Isis, the Egyptian God of something that everyone seems so into right now? Why, on this late night comedy show, did no one take the time to outline a politician’s economic plan? If this isn’t the appropriate venue, what is? Where am I going to get this information?
The worst part is, this appearance normalized Trump. It made him seem like a normal person who can take a joke. Which I can’t even. How am I supposed to know how to feel about a presidential candidate who is a jerk 90% of the time but is nice sometimes? No, if a person isn’t all one way, all the time, I become lost in a sea of conflicting emotions. And that’s your fault, Jimmy Fallon. You and your likability and desire to have a good time in every situation. You bastard. Politics are not funny, you bastard, unless it’s on the Daily Show or in The Onion or Colbert is doing it. But other than those exceptions and my hilarious Trump tweets, politics is no laughing matter.
It’s like the time on Letterman when they were knocking over a bunch of stuff with a firehose. That normalized collapsing card towers. Not cool.
And damn it, I was basing my voting decision on the late night appearances of the relevant candidates, and now that plan’s in the shitter. Unflushed, festering in a poo and pee mixture. Thanks a lot, Fallon.
I, for one, haven’t heard enough from Mr. Trump. I think that we the people deserve to hear more. I want to see him absolutely everywhere, even though I hate him. I want to watch and analyze his every appearance the way a jilted lover follows an ex’s instagram, wondering, “We never went to music festivals together…why didn’t we go to music festivals when we were together? I’d be fun at a music festival, probably…”
We the people have the right to determine the content of Jimmy Fallon’s televised programme. That’s why the full title is The Tonight Show For Everyone with Jimmy Fallon Too. Look it up. It’s in the history somewhere.
How did no one consult with me? How did Jimmy Fallon not ask any tough questions? How come Donald Trump didn’t get slimed? That’s a thing they do on Fallon, right? Slime someone when they say “I don’t know”?
I just don’t get it. And now I guess I’ll have to get my hard-hitting news somewhere else.
It’s just disappointing, you know? I finally found a news source that didn’t involve reading or paying attention or doing anything. The Roots were there, so I felt good about that.