Hi, I’m Steve. I’m the owner of this race track here. We’ve been running races for about 15 years right here on this track. We’ve done just about everything from stock cars to funny cars to drag racing. We’ve hosted a couple demolition derbys, too. And karting events are something we’re used to, but uh…I have a couple questions here about this event, if you don’t mind.
Let me just find the right papers here. Okay, so you’re wanting to host something called…Mario Kart? Is that right? Okay, great. And that’s a go-karting event? I see. Well, it’s pretty unusual to have different types of vehicles running on the same track. It’s kind of dangerous, to be honest. Motorcycles and low-profile vehicles on the same track seems like a recipe for injury. But assuming that you’re taking care of that I’m willing to leave it alone.
Now I see here that you have quite a variety of racers here. I’m assuming that “Baby Mario” is a nickname? It’s not. Uh, generally we don’t allow anyone under the age of 18 to race. And how old is he? One? Uh, I don’t think that one is going to work. Also, I think this lizard guy is out. And the ape…I’m not going to lie, I’ve seen that sort of thing as a sideshow, but side-by-side with other racers just tempts trouble in a way I’m not real interested in.
Let’s move on to talking about the course. I see you want a couple alterations here. Uh, some of this we can do. Banana peels on the track. I’m not really sure about the turtle shells. I have a connection with the division of wildlife, so he’ll see what he can do. But um, this enormous ramp that sends racers shooting hundreds of feet into the air on a free-floating road constructed of semi-transparent rainbow material, that’s just not going to work.
There’s a lot of language in this document referring to the “Mushroom Kingdom.” Is this something that I need to be concerned about? We do not under any circumstances allow drivers to operate their vehicles while under the influence of any substances.
To be honest, I have a lot of concerns about how the racers are treated in this league. These tracks appear far more dangerous than just about anything I’ve seen. The track that runs around a volcano is still in my mind every day. I’ve had nightmares about it the past three weeks. But the racers themselves seem to have no safety gear whatsoever. No roll cages. No helmets. This little fella here looks like he’s wearing a vest with no shirt underneath.
I just don’t think this is going to work out. Thank you for thinking of us, but I just don’t think this is the right fit for either of us at this time.