If Pete Had Comic Book Origins (DC Comics Edition)

Rocketed away from a dying planet, Kal-El discovered that the Earth’s yellow sun imbued him with super powers.  He became Superman!

Pete, rocketed away from a dying planet, ends up with super powers, one of which is the ability to style his hair into a perfect curl over his forehead.  He becomes obsessed over this and really never gets into fighting crime, figuring that good hair is really more than any man deserves.

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After watching his parents be gunned down, Bruce Wayne swore an oath to become the greatest crime-fighter and detective the world had ever known.  After traveling the world to hone his mind and body, he became- The Batman!

After his parents were gunned down by their own emotional instabilities that landed half of them in prison, Pete swore an oath to become a crime fighter.  He took home a Krav Maga DVD from the library once, fulfilling what he felt was his obligation.  I mean, it really wasn’t that bad.

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After a bolt of lighting crashed into a shelf of chemicals in his lab, Barry Allen was transformed into The Flash, the Fastest Man Alive!

After a bolt of lightning crashed through the sky, Pete was 100% fine because he’s never lived in an apartment that was above ground level.  AT ground level, for that matter.  Plus, the only chemicals he ever has are Comet and Tilex.  So he may have become a good cleaner, but that’s the limit, really.

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After discovering a dying stranger from another planet, test pilot Hal Jordan was given a ring with amazing powers and became- Green Lantern!

After discovering a dead cat on the side of the road, Pete was late for work and also lost a sweatshirt to the handover process.  He became chilly for the afternoon and also thought a bit much about mortality.