My Thighs: Where ingrown hairs are homegrown hairs.
My Left Arm: The “Flail Me” Appendage.
My Taint: The crossroads of everything gone wrong.
My Back: Land of painful acne.
My Big Toes: First in hair.
Underneath My Fingernails: So Much to Discover
My Head: Where the wiry, unconditioned hairs roam.
My Ass: The Please Dear God Don’t Show Me State.
While we’re at it:
State Slogans that Have a Distinct Sexual Flavor:
Share the Wonder (Alabama)
Smaller, Faster, Smarter (the ever-demure Delaware)
Great Potatoes (Idaho)
Kansas, As Big As You Think
Land of Ahs (Kansas also, those sick fucks)
Come as you are. Leave different (Louisiana, though is should read “differnt”)
More than you can imagine (Maryland)
The South’s Warmest Welcome (Mississippi. Unless you’re black. Then the south’s warmest welcome is the end of a recently discharged shotgun barrel)
Wide Open (Nevada)
Legendary (North Dakota)
America Starts Here (Pennsylvania. Imagine a dude pointing at his pants)
Open for business (West Virginia)
I don’t give a damn, let’s bang (Oregon)