This is the new King Soopers in town. Pretty giant, huh? You and I both know that the number one appeal factor for grocery stores is the physical distance between the 5 things you need. It’s like one of those bullshit health tips along the lines of “Don’t shop when you’re really hungry.” Now add to that list, “Shop at the most enormous store you can find because by the time you are done shopping you will have the equivalent calorie burn of someone who crossed the Gobi Desert, assuming the Gobi Desert is filled with idiots buying Puffy Cheetos and driving shopping carts like murder weapons.
The thing that I really don’t get about this store: the addition of a Fred Meyer Jewelry Store. This isn’t a jewelry store inside the same complex, this is a store contained within the King Soopers. There is no external entrance. So, this place is for people who are out buying groceries and say, “Aw, fuck it. Let’s get married.”
My prediction is that they will do brisk business on Valentine’s Day, a day on which failure to plan ahead can be compensated for only by laying out more cash than you originally intended. Shoulda bought that tennis bracelet (whatever the hell that is) three months ago, dum-dum.
I just don’t understand the point of this store within a store. It’s bad enough that the King Soopers has patio furniture, which nobody needs to buy at King Soopers, but diamonds? And if I’m buying Laffy Taffy, do you think the lady in the stupid black blazer at the diamond store can ring that up for me at the same time? “That’ll be $15,001.05, all together.”
I’ve been known to make an impulse buy. Right now, in my cupboard, I have both bacon-flavored popcorn and pre-cooked waffles that do not need any refrigeration and are allegedly ready to eat at a moment’s notice, no toasting required. I’m a big idiot who sees a new flavor of Pringles that has no business in the natural world and has to try it because I just have to know. That said, not ONE piece of jewelry in my cupboards bought on a whim, just because it was there and I had the cash.
If you buy your engagement ring at a King Soopers, you are either a hopeless romantic who gets married on a whim and stays married for 60 years, or the biggest scumlord this side of the under-rim of a chili restaurant toilet. My guess is scumlord, but you could prove me wrong by suprise proposing and then heading straight to the international aisle to buy cookies that are not cookies but “Digestives.”