Does everyone know about the group of lawyers suing Taco Bell because the taco meat is not 100% beef? Did you also know that “suing” was not spelled with an “e”? This probably has something to do with why I didn’t pass the bar. That and the rampant use of the N-word in my written portion.
This brings up so many questions.
First of all, what the fuck did these idiots think was in there? Did they really think it was all ground up cow flesh, and are they really disappointed to find out that it’s oats and shit?
You know what the first sign was that this was not beef? Opening a Taco Bell taco. Have you ever cooked beef at home that resembled this in any way, where it’s not so much pieces of ground meat as it is a sauce of some kind? Meat is not sauce. Like I said, not a lawyer, but I’m pretty sure I’m standing on solid ground with that one.
And I’ll tell you something else: No matter what percent of that taco is beef, you are getting you .49 cents worth. How much of anything do you deserve for that little? Jesus, it’s almost as cheap to get an entire taco as it is to get a sticky hand out of the crank machine at the grocery store, and when I eat those I don’t get all fussy about what’s inside them. I just eat it and prepare for one of the strangest shits of the decade. Will it melt in my stomach, will it come out whole? Will it bungee the shit in and out of my asshole?
The point being, when you’re eating a meal that costs less than the gas it took to get to the restaurant, expect to be rolling the dice a little.
Which brings us to the ultimate point.
This is not Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. This is not Fogo de Chao. Shit, this isn’t even Wendy’s, and their burgers are squared-off patties of grayness.
Taco Bell is a thing you put in your stomach to fuel your terrible body through one more terrible day. That’s it. That’s the entire trial right there. If the lawyers can eat the Taco Bell and then their bodies can make the food into energy enough to come up with this fucking stupid plan, then they’ve already lost.
Besides, where does it end? Are you going to tell me that Sprite is not made out of cut up lemons and limes in the back there somewhere?
Fuck off