Age 14:
The most important factor, as I see it, is Binaca. 24-50 sprays of that and you’ll be ready for any kiss, no matter how many Nerds and Sweettarts you ate at the live-action 101 Dalmatians.
Age 19:
In order to fight my profuse sweating problem, I’ll simply apply deodorant to parts of my body well beyond my armpits, including neck, inner thighs, and just the tiniest swipe in the eyebrows.
Age 25:
If you’re wondering, milady, why the sheets look like a blanket just tucked in under the sides of the mattress, it’s because I realized about 20 minutes before you got here that I haven’t washed my sheets since I bought them. I couldn’t remember when that was exactly, but the bed was starting to look like something a burn patient used to recover in.
Age 28:
I can’t say for certain as it hasn’t happened yet, but I suspect it will involve a great deal of looking in the mirror and saying aloud “I’m going on a date” in order to prove to myself that it’s real.