Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you sure? That shitty one?
Listen, man. We’re talking about the holy grail here.
I see where you’re going. Humble. I get it. Seriously. That’s like a big thing with the church.
But dude, think about it like this. Pope. How humble is that guy? That guy dresses like a motherfucking king of like an alien gold planet. He has jewelry and shit. Hats. Capes. Robes. Things that are somewhere between capes and robes.
Okay, okay, look at it like this. Jesus, right? Don’t you think he suffered enough? We get it. You’re humble. You did good stuff for poor people. You were like that one annoying friend who actually does stuff to help the homeless. And then we killed this guy. Not just killed, but in the absolutely worst way. You know how people say, “You don’t have to crucify me”? THAT’S WHAT WE ACTUALLY DID TO THIS DUDE! And you think, after all that, homeboy Jesus has something left to prove? He’s like, “No, no. I’ll drink from that crap cup. The one that’s worse than what Lil’ Jon drinks from. Who’s Lil’ John? Eh, that’s way too hard to explain right now in Bible days.” No. Okay, no. He could drink from whatever the hell cup he wants.
Last thing. If you DO die, do you really want to have your last drink be from a horrible cup or an awesome cup? I’m just saying, I would probably be willing to die if I could drink from one of these rad cups. Look at that one! That’s got a bunch of golden little skulls on it! Or that one! Covered in gold breasts. Or that one looks like a huge, throbbing cock holding up the cup part. There’s a cup for everybody here. Penis people, boob people. I guess other people who are crazy and don’t like either of those things.
Alright, you choose what you think looks good. Me? I only drink bourbon. I know for a fact that shit has magical properties.