You know what’s really shitty about this holiday? The whole thing where someone starts saying Merry Christmas, then stops them self and says, Happy Holidays, THEN has to make some remark about how stupid that is that we can’t just say Merry Christmas. Thank you, Louis C.K. Jr. That’s some very original material. Maybe next you’ll have some really good Justin Bieber stuff.
Well guess what, freedom fighter, you can say whatever the hell you want. Rather than going through this whole long thing, just tell me Merry Christmas if you want. Or Happy Holidays. Or Happy Hanukkah. Or Riddled with Guilt Hanukkah. I don’t believe in any of that hokey shit, so saying Merry Christmas is the same as invoking some gypsy curse for all I care. It’s the same thing as saying God Bless You when I sneeze. I don’t care for it, but now I know that you are a crazy person in that somewhere along the line you learned that saying magic words crams the devil back inside wherever he was trapped (my sinus?) and makes everyone safe. I am now armed with the knowledge that we probably don’t hang out and that you probably listen to a lot of music that sounds like Nickelback recorded in a basement.
Have some fucking guts and say what you’re really thinking. If it’s Merry Christmas and you mean it in the Christ-y way, that’s fine because then I know that I don’t want to hang out with you. I don’t mind you firing a warning shot across the bow like that. If it’s Happy Hanukkah, that’s fine, too. It’s not like I then have to go buy a menorah, and even if I did the only time I’d use it would be when the power went out. Hopefully not for several nights in a row but for only a few hours.
A holiday that consists primarily of the giving of material goods in an attempt to make others briefly happy doesn’t have a lot of spiritual credit as it is, so let’s fucking drop the greeting bullshit and you just say whatever you want.