Great news everyone! Despite what we’ve all been thinking, the Post Office really does care.
Okay, maybe they don’t care enough to keep a dog or some kind of lizard from biting your mail in half, but they do care enough to put a plastic sleeve around it apologizing for whatever the fuck happened.
But it’s cool. The only parts cut off of this ELECTRIC BILL are the account number, due date, and the amount due. I still know the date, the number of days in the billing period, and, thank god, the statement number.
By the way, Post Office, you know what takes away from your statement about really caring?
Sincerely,
Your Postmaster
That blank space is there to actually sign your actual name, asshole. The point is for me to say, Oh, he really does care, at least enough to sign a hundred of these bags. Or, for fuck’s sake, he cared enough to have these bags run through the same printer that prints the other text and put a scribble of a name on there. You know what looks worse than not signing it alone? Leaving a huge fucking space where it’s clearly supposed to be signed.
So take your stupid We Care mail condom and use it to go fuck yourselves.