Permanent Markers
These dark black cookies will ignite your senses without the harmful side effects of Sharpie sniffing. Well, most of them. You’ll probably still have some of the same problems. But it’s hard to tell whether that comes from the cookies or already comes along with a person who would choose to ingest something that tastes like markers.
Beach Sandies
Our grittiest sandies yet! Seriously, why would you compare a food to what is essentially very dry dirt? You wouldn’t call cookies Soils. Or Manures. But hey, they’re just that good.
Boy Scouties
Our tip of the hat to our friends, the Boy Scouts. Frankly, they’re not doing so well. Between their attempts to sell popcorn at $400 a bag and those awful belt buckles, we figured they could use the help. But it turns out that they’re not rafting or anything anymore, pretty much just doing the sex stuff. So maybe skip down the order sheet, huh?
Tilt-a-Whirls
These were pretty much the cookie factory sweepings melted down and cut into rings. Despite the fact that Girl Scout cookies come about four to a package, we still didn’t think we could pull this one off. Also, the FDA has restrictions on the amount of rat feces in food items. Not strict ones. Which reminds me, try the Tagalogs.