Can I ask a question?
When people have those funeral parades, the ones where a humongous line of cars drives five miles an hour, is their goal to piss me off? Because it seems like maybe they would want to honor a dead person rather than make me look up the obituary just so I can head over to the graveyard later to yell at a tombstone.
Why does this help at all? They don’t even have a fucking banner or anything. I don’t even know who this asshole is. So I’m just sitting in my fucking miserable car, taking note of my miserable life, thinking how I’m going to be late for work because some dickhead felt like clogging up the street by driving a corpse around.
And then half the line of cars doesn’t even appear to be involved with the funeral anyway. They just get swept into the non-action. These are the worst kind of people, the kind whose ancestors live in certain parts of Europe in the 40’s and chose to ignore certain plumes of smoke coming from camps where certain kind of people were not there by choice.
How about when I die they just slash a bunch of car tires at my apartment? Or maybe they could wait outside people’s doors and spill coffee on their pants. Anything that makes them late for work is okay as long as it’s in memory of someone, right?
Oh, and what kind of loser are you if you’re the dork driving the fake police car leading the procession? What a horrible job. Do we have to listen to these fucks? When they block an intersection, can’t we just go around, honk, and maybe call an actual cop to complain that a driver is blocking an intersection?
And if this is the normal procedure, can I use mine now? I’m not in a huge hurry to get to the graveyard, so if I could have an escort and a bunch of people following me to Wendy’s next week, that would help me out.
You’re not the pope, you’re not the mayor, you ain’t shit. So let us go about our lives for fifteen fucking minutes without considering the specter of death and what that might mean about whether or not we should go to work.