“When I entered the theater to see this one solo, there was only one other guy in there. He started chatting with me about the homemade sandwiches he’d brought with him, and then he started telling me about the movie, which he’d already seen at least once. He was meandering into spoiler territory, for sure, and I was super confused because this was before “spoiler alert” was a big thing, and I’d never really experienced anything like this, someone who knew FOR SURE BECAUSE HE JUST ASKED, that I hadn’t seen the movie, and he was telling me everything that happened.
At one point I was worried that he was going to come sit closer to me. I was really there for solo movie watching, not to make a friend. Luckily, a couple came in and sat closer to him, and then he chatted with them instead of me.
THEN I was like, “What the hell, hot new couple comes along, I’m forgotten?”
Anyway, this is probably the closest I’ve been to being in a theater that was empty except for me. I’ll get there someday. Someday. I guess someone just has to make a movie that’s worse than Freddy Vs. Jason, which seems pretty likely. “