The other day I stayed up far too late watching Mortal Kombat finishing moves.
I know. I’m sorry.
When I was a kid, these were the most exciting video game innovation I’d ever seen. Let me say again: Freezing a man and then breaking him into pieces was the most exciting video game innovation I’d ever seen.
Cut me some slack. We didn’t have the Power Glove.
Watching through them again, I have to say there were some that were pretty disappointing, even then. ESPECIALLY in Mortal Kombat III. Take a ride with me through some terrible Mortal Kombat finishing moves.
I always hated Stryker. Not to be confused with the Loveline host. Him I REALLY fucking hated. This whole thing makes no sense. I mean, with today’s political climate, I can see it. But in 1997 or so? Plus, the frying someone by taser followed by firing a GUN into the air in celebration is really making my point for me.
(the first one in this video)
After you finish crushing this Native American man to death, remember to thank Felix the Cat for the use of his bag, which can store infinitely large items in a very uninfinitely-sized space.
For whatever reason, it was important to explode people in MKIII. Not enough to impale, then you have to somehow…shake someone to the point of skin melting off, followed by explosion?
Okay, okay, okay. I know that part of the MK suspension of disbelief is not asking the question “If you could finish him like that, why not just do that in the first place?” But never has a finishing move begged the question more. You could be a giant this whole time? What the fuck? Shouldn’t you be involved in some separate, giants-only tournament?
It’s also a consistent problem with fighting games that the fighters are never weight-classed or anything like that. How Dahlsim ended up fighting E.Honda I will never grasp.
This one bugs the shit out of me from a purely graphic standpoint. If both characters are on a plane, and one comes down on top of the other like a rotating saw blade, how does he then go in front of the foreground at the same time? I call bullshit. If you have a headsaw that can liquify a man, how about you just keep on going through the floor?
(the first one here)
I liked being Kabal. Finally, a guy with the sense to bring weapons. Why the fuck not? Everyone can throw fireballs all around, this other guy has metal arms, but nobody is bringing weapons? This finisher, though…I guess I’m to understand that his mask is feeding him helium? Although that would explain why the scream from finisher two is so high-pitched…
Whaaa….?
I don’t know whose idea this was, but I suspect that “Toasty” asshole.