Hi!
We are a young couple looking to buy our first home.
Our combined age is less than 50, and we’ve decided to cast off the last bits of our youth and purchase a home. We do still think bumper stickers are of importance, however.
What are we looking for in a home?
Well, we have these 8 dogs that are currently living in our tiny apartment with no yard. God knows why we thought that was a good idea, but it will make for some fun shots of us playing frisbee in the dog park. I feel like the most realistic solution here is to buy a place rather than reconsider our pet adoption policy, so we’d like a yard for eight dogs in the middle of the fifth biggest city on the planet. Maybe something about the size of a smallish ballfield.
Our current kitchen is so tiny! It’s so annoying. We don’t cook, but that’s because the kitchen is so small. If the kitchen was bigger, we would totally cook more. Just like the way we would drive more if we had a bigger place to store our car. And yes, before you ask, we need an electronic can opener that takes up half the counter rather than the kind that was invented in 1920 and works perfectly.
We’re looking for a place without about 40,000 bedrooms, more or less. And if each one had its own bathroom, that would be ideal. And an office. We know the difference between a bedroom and an office, so don’t try to show us two rooms that would appear, to most people, to be identical and tell us that they’re both bedrooms. We know better.
We’re really excited about the lady who is going to be showing us around. She is really knowledgeable about this kind of thing, and she will be good at explaining how vital it is to have a motorized garage door. Not one shot of us checking the water heater, but a full two minutes of us being excited that the garage door goes up and down when you push a button.
We keep reminding each other to try and not comment too much on the furnishings because they probably aren’t included with the house. But we will probably comment on them about fifty times, and the real estate agent will become increasingly annoyed with the fact that we keep forgetting that we’re buying a house and not a new set of chairs that we’re lukewarm on.
Overall, it seems like the most responsible, reasonable, thoughtful, low-pressure way to buy a house is to do it on a show.