“It only took 2 years. But I finished this bad boy. Although I suppose if you read these in real time as monthly issues it would take about that long anyway. Or that’s what I tell myself as an excuse.
The sad truth?
Well, when these Essential volumes first came out I was in nerd heaven. Which resembles regular hell in a lot of ways, mostly humidity and odor. But that was a long time ago, before damn near everything was printed in full color glory and on paper that’s better than what’s used to print phone books and bibles, the only two books that are so overprinted that you have to actively avoid them.
So at the time, it was great. Because as a reader of comics and non-collector, the chance to even READ Amazing Fantasy 15 (first appearance of spider-man for those of you who were more aware of your genitals in middle school) was, well, Amazing. Because I didn’t have a couple thousand bucks, and even if I did it would have felt like a total waste because, let’s face it, the first couple dozen issues if Amazing Spider-Man were less than, uh, Amazing? No, the word I was looking for was Acceptable. Sorry, confusing my A-words here.
What Marvel did with these volumes was to set up a way for readers like me to spend almost nothing to read some seriously hard-to-find comics. Which is a great thing.
Now, however, they’ve released full-color, gigantic collections that even include peripheral materials like letters pages. It’s very cool. It’s more pricey, but still pretty damn cool.
And having read four of these volumes and some issues in color…I miss the color. I really do. I thought I’d be a more serious reader for whom the color almost didn’t matter. But it turns out I’m not a serious reader. A serious reader of vintage comic books. And I miss the color.
With that out of the way, a few observations from this book:
-What happened to the police offering a few thousand bucks for the apprehension of a criminal?
This happens in comics, but was it ever real? Because on the one hand, I kind of like it. Bring this guy in, get paid. It seems like you could have a really good shitty TV series about a group of ultimate fighters who catch criminals in their spare time. On the other hand, I do fear that it’d be a little bit easy to take a WANTED poster, cut out the face and put my face in there. And then I’d get beat up by ultimate fighters just trying to get by. So there’s a definite negative possibility there.
-When did the word “boner” come to mean…boner?
Because they use the word to mean a goof-up, but I can’t help but giggle. I mean, come on. It’s like if a really big financial gain used to be called a “Big Erect Nipple” back in the day.
-In one panel, Spider-Man is alarmed as a villain swings a “sword-like rod” at him.
What, exactly, is the difference between a sword and a sword-like rod? Because I didn’t sleep last night trying to puzzle that one out.
-Why exactly do people have such a problem with Spider-Man?
I swear to god, he swings down in one issue to free a bus that’s stuck in the snow. He lifts the back end of the bus, and the bus driver leans out the window and says, “My god! Spider-Man is trying to hijack the bus!” Really? REALLY? It’s almost like the entire city of New York is playing some elaborate prank to see who can do the most obtuse burn on Spider-Man. If he picks up a bag of money dropped by a criminal during a heist, someone will say, “My god! Spider-Man is stealing money!” And if he hands it to a cop, they’ll say, “Dear Lord! Spider-Man is trying to beat that cop to death with a bag of money!” And if he rescues a kitten from a tree, someone will say, “He’s almost certainly going to have sex with that kitten. When will this madman be stopped?!”
I can see how it might be creepy. But doesn’t everyone work with AT LEAST one total creep? Aren’t we used to it to some extent? If a total creep wants to save my life by saving me from a much worse asshole creep with lizard powers, I think I could find a way to make peace with that.
I’m a little surprised there aren’t more complaints about Spider-Man leaving footprints and crazy webs all over the goddamn place. It can’t be cheap to get your windows done in a Manhattan highrise, so having a Spider-Man walk right over the top of them while wearing a costume he had in the sewer minutes before has to be kind of a bummer.
-What was going on at parties in the 60’s and 70’s?
And I mean parties where they weren’t getting drugged up and wasted. Because in these books, it appears that someone would play an acoustic guitar and people would dance. This is most assuredly the most horrific thing I can imagine. It’s hard enough in 2013 when I can stand next to a wall that I assume is out of the way and inevitably isn’t, thumb through my phone like I’m finishing up some important crap before kicking into high gear party mode, and then basically keep recalculating how long it is until I can drive home after one beer.
-Finally, there’s something weird going on with Peter Parker’s “girl problems.”
It’s like the Betty/Veronica thing. “I have the two hottest babes ever who both want me. This is terrible.” Yes, I really feel for you. We’ve AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL been there. “