Don’t Cum On My Glasses, Please

Cumming on glasses is something I’ve seen on these pron sites now and then. It’s, well, clearly a fantasy of someone who has never owned or worn glasses.

Glasses are goddamn impossible to keep clean. I realized not that long ago that the reason people who wear glasses don’t want to hand them over for you to try is because you people who don’t wear glasses don’t understand the utter tragedy that is a smeared lens.

I know, you’d think people were smarter than that. But trust me, I work in a place that lends DVDs, and they come pack COVERED in fingerprints. People don’t know.

I guess I’m pretty unsexy. I can’t ever think about incorporating something like chocolate syrup or strawberries or whatever into sex because all I can think about is, “After I cum, I’m going to be mad at myself for making this mess.” Before you cum, when you’re brewing towards it, anything sounds like a good idea. Smash a window with my bare fist? Well, why not? I think this is what happens with that autoerotic stuff too. Yes, in the sober, post-cum light, it’s obviously a bad idea. But mid-action? Even cutting off the oxygen to your brain, feh, why not?

Same thing with glasses. All I can think about is cleaning them afterwards, or maybe getting some readers that weren’t my real glasses for cumming on. But wearing glasses that aren’t yours, that’s lighting the fuse on a good nausea, which is probably not something you want to handle along with being cummed on. I’ve never been cummed on, but I’m pretty sure it’s not something I’d be AS into if I was sick.

Why are you even wearing the glasses? If you’re putting a penis on or in your face, it’s pretty close. How vivid and sharp does the image need to be? Am I missing out on something? Should I get some of those HD glasses they sell on TV? Although that would be ten times worse. At least my glasses are old and could use a replacement. Sure, it’d be awkward to tell the eye doctor that I needed new frames because mine are all cummed up, but hell, at least I’d be in style. But those HD glasses, I’d be pissed. Those fuckers are at least $29.99, and I’m sure the buy one/get one deal has expired. There was only 8 minutes on that countdown clock, and that was weeks ago.

If someone came on my glasses, I guarantee I’d miss a spot cleaning too. I’d spend the next day wondering why everything smelled like cum, then I’d find I’d missed gobs of the stuff, and then I’d wonder if my co-workers knew. I mean, they couldn’t KNOW, but they’d KNOW.

And come on. They’re glasses. If you had a fake leg, I wouldn’t ask to cum on your fake leg. And if you’re going to cum on my glasses, do I have to wear them? Couldn’t you just handle it yourself, quietly jack off into my retainer? I could be doing other stuff. Why waste EVERYONE’S time with this cum?

I don’t know. I guess go for it, but I just want the world to be a little miserable, like me, and think about the aftermath too much so that it ruins something fun.