Welcome to your new thermos!
This thermos is designed to keep hot stuff hot for 1 million hours and cold stuff cold for also 1 million hours. Why? Who knows?! It’s not like you’re going to make coffee for 1 million hours from now. BUT YOU MIGHT!
First off, let’s set some ground rules.
I know you’re going to put this thing in the dishwasher. I just know it. Because who is handwashing shit anymore, seriously? It’s barbaric.
Nonetheless, I’m going to have to ask you to handwash this even though you really have no way of getting your hand inside the opening. Maybe you could buy some sort of weird wand from the store or something. As if you don’t have enough crap in your kitchen, now you can consider buying weird crap to clean all of THAT crap.
Secondly, dropping this may ruin it. I know it’s made out of metal, but so what? A baby is made out of bones, and you can’t just go dropping that all over town, now can you? Try not to drop it. I mean, you’re going to. And that advice really isn’t helpful because it’s not like you had specific plans to drop it, but it’s important to make sure that when you DO drop it you’re concerned about what you’ve done.
Finally, on the back is a long story about our company. About how we feel about nature and shit. If you just want a quick summary, we are generally in favor of nature.
If you require further instruction on your new thermos, call this number where we will give you general directions on drinking vessel usage in a very snide tone.