“Crimson, Volume One (Crimson, #1-2)”

“Let’s talk about Scarlet’s outfit for a sec.

People will critique outfits like hers (boobstrap as a top, bottom bits that are only covered if you have a specific shape of bottom bits, thong, which would be weird but in context, is almost tame) because it’s impractical. “Impractical” here meaning it wouldn’t be utilitarian for killing vampires.

I think this might not be the right critique. For starters, there’s no such thing as a practical outfit for hunting vampires because there’s no such thing as hunting vampires. The practicality of conducting fictional activities is a weird thing to debate.

But the real critique I have: Her outfit is incredibly practical. The problem is that most people see it as an outfit designed for hunting vampires. It’s not. It’s an outfit designed to grace the covers of comic books and make them sell. For that purpose, the design is the pinnacle of practicality. It covers enough that it can be displayed on shelves, and it shows enough to entice a (certainly at the time) mostly male, mostly teen-to-20’s audience.

In all seriousness, I see the point people are making, and I would sum it up in the words of a very silly man who said a very smart thing: At some point, something has to matter.

You can tell a story where X doesn’t matter, where Y doesn’t matter, but eventually, something has to matter for there to BE a story. This is a good counterargument to the one that’s often laid on superheroes who change identities pretty suddenly. Sure, in a world where there are spider men, a black Spider-Man is not a stretch. Or maybe the accurate way to say that is to say: Doesn’t the belief required to go along with a Spider-Man exceed the belief required to believe that Spider-Man could be black?

Or: Doesn’t the belief required to believe Iceman could be a person who exists exceed the belief required to believe he could be gay?

I would say yes, those are both true statements.

But, turn it around, and you get: Doesn’t the belief required to believe in a vampire underground exceed the belief required to believe that a busty woman could dress in all red, highly visible leather with only a light mesh underneath so you can basically see all her parts all the time, and she could perform athletically in this costume?

It’s a closer call, but I think it’s still a yes. Believing in vampires and werewolves and trolls and the reincarnation of St. George, these are all bigger stretches than an “impractical” costume.

Which beings us back to: At some point, something has to matter.

For a lot of comics readers, that point seems to be at the representation of the female form. Which is a term I hate, “Female Form.” It sounds so fartsy. But here we are.

Lots of readers draw the line of “this matters” at drawings of ladies with huge jugs. Ah, that’s better than “Female Form” for this discussion. More accurate, anyway.

I can see that. I mean, I think the line of something matters is different for everyone, which is why some people jump off of movie or comic X while others are fine with it.

Apparently scantily-clad women isn’t the “something has to matter” point for me. Clearly. I don’t go into a hyper-sexual frenzy when I see this stuff. The biggest reaction I’ll have is a little bit of a chuckle because I’m like, “Wow, the artist was really like ‘Fuck it, I’m going for it’ on this one.” But that’s about it. It doesn’t move my needle. Which sounds very sexual, but isn’t, but I guess now it is. “Needle” isn’t a very flattering term for that part of my anatomy, but I’ve done this to myself. No going back now. “