One thing that’s really nice for me is that I always get a cold right around Christmas. And because I eat right and exercise, I have the cold for about the next eighteen months.
But this holiday, I’m ready. Ready for the cold, and ready to deal with it like a man. I recommend that everyone put together a holiday kit. In fact, I recommend that you put together this EXACT kit. Allow me to explain the christmas eve process.
1. Red Baron Pizza. I am sure that this is the perfect thing to eat by yourself in your sad apartment. What I’m not sure about is whether this is a personal pizza, meant for one man. I’m almost sure it isn’t based on the severe stomach cramps and the…”mudslide.”
2. While that pizza is cooking, go ahead and pop in your copy of Candyman. For those who don’t remember, that’s the one with the horrifying black guy with a gory hook for a hand.
3. Start eating cough drops. I’d say three at a time, but maybe more if you can do more without feeling nauseous.
4. Eat your pizza with a nice tall glass of Evan Williams Southern Egg Nog. You may know Evan Williams as a purveyor of whiskey that’s best quality is its close mimicry of a bottle of Jack Daniels in terms of shape and label. I give their Egg Nog three tip overs while going back to the kitchen for more pizza. I say “three” trips because the only way to cut your Red Baron is into fourths.
5. Nyquil. Right when you feel that Evan Williams whispering in your ear, “Be my victim!” a la Candyman, it’s time to down that Nyquil and ride the electric green wave of sleepy wonderful.
6. Pass out while eating Munchies.
7. Have terrible Nyquil-assisted nightmares relating to Candyman, not that Candyman is chasing you, but that you are working on the set of Candyman and are having trouble corraling the actors. Probably because of the fact that you also watched the special features for Candyman because you wanted to see how they made bees come out of Tony Todd’s mouth.
It’s Christmas before you know it!