There were some big news stories that everyone might have missed over the holiday:
I hate to sound like someone is anti-India, mostly because I feel like they understand how to melt my computer from far away, but how did they just have their second space flight failure in a row which resulted in a cool explosion?
The plan is to have their first manned space flight in 2016, but perhaps a different goal would be a nice one.
My favorite part: a former scientist and commentator in India’s quote: “Maybe it’s just one of those things.” That’s a good way to look at it. Probably very comforting to the poor astronauts who are gearing up for 2016.
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Hugh Hefner is engaged. Thank goodness, because now you can let your daughters out again, assuming that they are over 6 feet, Double-D, and ready to play the lottery that is hoping Hugh Hefner will die while you’re still his wife.
I suppose there’s some logic to marrying Hugh Hefner. It’s got to be a good amount of cash. All you really have to be comfortable with is banging a skeleton. Just pretend it’s Halloween every night and you’ll be fine.
The part about it that is weird to me is that people are surprised. The man has been walking around in a bathrobe and marrying girls in their 20’s for decades. Shit, he started this practice before his current fiancee was born. He can say that whole thing about, “I’ve been doing X since you were in diapers” and be one of the few people for whom that’s not true because he was doing it before they were in utero. AND, you could put in words like “metamucil” or “treatments in a pit of glowing goo that rejuvenates me” to replace X.
Just imagine grabbing his ass. That’s all you really need to know.
So let’s stop being surprised, okay?
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There were a bunch of flight delays on Christmas Eve. Have these idiots never seen a Home Alone movie, or did they just fast-forward the parts where the parents couldn’t get home because all the flights were delayed and cars were all rented?
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Kwanzaa begins today. If someone can explain one fact about Kwanzaa to me or take a picture of one piece of Kwanzaa paraphernalia…I don’t even know how to finish that statement because my mind is just in such disbelief.
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Oh yeah, and there was snow. In December.
I really hate pictures like this. I think we’re supposed to feel bad for this old bag, but I don’t know why. Here is what she chose to wear while sweeping her porch, and notice she is SWEEPING her porch with a broom rather than actually scooping snow away:
some kind of nightgown, pajama pants that are about the right length for Warwick Davis, and what appear to be brightly colored Crocs. Screw her. I hope she was cold and sweeping the path for nobody because people can’t stand to spend even a holiday with her, what with all her complaining and self-sacrifice talk.