Can I stop being shown the cleavage of Jillian Michaels, if that’s what you want to call it? Seriously, this is not good cleavage, but there it is on every goddamn magazine and about 14 different DVDs at the grocery store. By the way, thanks for that, King Soopers. I do always think of you first as my number one outlet for aerobics DVDs.
What is the reason that I’m being shown this on different magazines from month to month? This lady is not that good looking. She’s just got a system. You know that thing where you go out dancing with all your fat friends and look the hottest by comparison? She’s figured out a way to do that on an extreme level with this whole Biggest Loser thing.
I’m not one to often criticize the appearance of others, but I feel like she’s made a profession out of it and maybe needs a little bit of a return on her investment. So, here are a few cleavage tips for you, Jillian:
-I should not see several different kinds of bones in the space between your breasts. I know there are some skinny people out there who might have some rib action, but I don’t think I should be seeing clavicles and xyphoid processes. I don’t even know what a clavicle is, but I’m pretty sure I’m looking at it when I see you.
-If you’re going to show your cleavage on a national magazine cover, leaned over, I don’t want to be able to fit my entire fist sideways in the space between your badangs.
-We’ll buy it a lot more if someone can make you actually smile. I don’t know where that rictus thing you have going on is coming from, but it needs to stop.
-If your cleavage is this bad, and it’s what you’re showing us all the time, how bad must the rest of you be? Or, alternately, how delusional are you about this great rack you think you have going on there?