Here’s a new gem from the book sale. This book uses teh tactic of putting animals in place of the balding, swarthy sweat piles that try to kidnap kids with promises of candy bars and anal rape.
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Now, I’m no safety expert. And talking to a camel is one thing. But talking to a camel who looks like he is absolutely flying on shrooms is way out of my league. Look at that son of a bitch! He’ll be lucky if he can maintain long enough to make it over to a bench to pass out on, let alone try to kidnap a kid and get taken down by the police.
On the other hand, maybe this is the kind of person who kids should talk to. There’s half a chance this hallucinating horse (or whatever kind of animal camels are) thinks the kid is David the Gnome.
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I’m going to level: I would probably talk to this guy. If a whale somehow figured out how to drive car, live on land, and cruise around soliciting children, I think it warrants at least a minor investigation. Besides, if you were going to fondle a kid as a whale wouldn’t you just get a job at Sea World where they kind of expect you to do that shit?
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Some of the things my parents forbade were hard to ignore. For example, your parents saying that it’s not okay to light off fireworks in the house results only in you thinking, Hey, that WOULD be pretty fucking awesome… That said, “Don’t talk to gigantic bees” is not a piece of advice I would have struggled over. Seeing as I’m a guy who will run in terror from a bee hive, trying to get far enough away that I can shudder uncontrollably and pee just a little tiny bit, I think I’d be more than happy to ignore a giant bee.
Not to put too fine a point on things here, but why is nobody killing that big bee? The first thing I would want (someone else) to do is kill that thing. Get a baseball bat with nails sticking out the end, use a garbage can lid as a shield, and let’s kick some ass. It’s time we stop letting these giant bees fuck our kids in the street.
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Probably the biggest creep yet. But again, I think this book kind of misses the point. I’m guessing most kids who are abducted from their homes were probably taken by someone they knew, or someone who appeared somewhat normal at first glance. I wouldn’t have let in someone with even a hook hand when I was a kid, let alone a bear. Even if he rang the door bell eight or nine times.
Check out some more pretty sweet/terible library books:
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