“I accidentally read an important book!
I’m a big fan of Dr. Gawande, and this might be his best.
It’s a very honest look at death. No sunshine and rainbows. No smoke will be blown into any orifice. But it’s not a book that’s trying to be in your face, and it’s compassionate as all hell.
Some of what I liked is that Dr. Gawande talked a lot about some of the ideas we have about aging, death, and dying, and how some of them aren’t really helping us all that much. I liked how he talked about some of the romanticism behind caring for an aging parent in the home and how that might not be the best thing. Or when he spoke about right to die and how it might have an odd effect of letting doctors off the hook when it comes to finding solutions that allow a patient to live a little longer, pain-free and able to have a few more good days. I liked how he talked about similar outcomes, in terms of timelines, for folks in hospital care and folks in hospice. The book challenged a lot of the things I thought were best.
But I think the big takeaway is that when we think about doing a living will or think about heroic measures and that sort of thing, we need to think about what life means to us and what qualities make life worth living. If, as one patient told him, a person is very happy in old age as long as they can sit and enjoy a football game on Sunday, then that person might have a different definition than someone whose independence is their everything. It’s about not confusing safety with a good life if safety isn’t the thing the person wants most. It’s about asking ourselves not so much what we’re willing to do to survive, but what makes another day worthwhile.”