“A story so thin that even Batman’s THICK DICK couldn’t save it!
That’s right, in this book, you see Batman’s crank. Kind of, mostly, somewhat in shadow.
Now, the schwanz wasn’t visible in the edition I read, but it was a very short Google away.
And…it’s fine. Which is not my way of saying it’s small. It’s literally just fine.
And that’s the problem: If you’re going to put Batman’s PENIS in a comic, it needs to be comically large or hilariously tiny. What it shouldn’t be is fairly average-looking.
What a waste of story potential! Imagine if the rumor got out that Batman had a wee crank. Every time a baddie knocked him out, instead of unmasking him, they’d pull of his codpiece and check the package, just to find out if the rumors were true.
OR, Batman could be the Liam Neeson of superheroes, everyone knowing that he’s packing heat.
Either way is good.
You know what’s not good?
A penis that’s so meaningless it’s shaded out of later editions of the book, and the average reader is completely unaware. His, er, point is pointless.
Now, I’m not trying to come off as prude. There was quite a bit of Bruce’s Cabruce as well, and that was a lot more impressive, IMO. And it seemed silly, but whatever, I think a butt is pretty similar to a boob window. But a dick? That feels…odd, right? That’s like having Wonder Woman’s open vagina. Or Darkseid’s…I don’t know what that guy has, some kind of lava pecker? Made out of hellfire and lasers and shit?
The thing is, it’s edgelord nonsense that, unfortunately, fits right in with the whole.
Okay, jokes aside, to the right side if we’re being specific about the side to which Bats dresses, this book has almost no story, and when I found out it was a sort-of sequel to Azzarello’s Joker, and it was planned as some kind of Justice League Dark thing that didn’t pan out, it all started to make sense. This feels like a book that was tortured into being something else. My guess, the artist probably spent A LOT of time on this book, and someone at DC was like, No way in hot hell are we about to just throw this away. It’s just Batman walking around with every writer’s favorite excuse to have a nonsensical story: John Constantine, not to mention every writer’s second-favorite excuse to have a nonsensical story: Etrigan the Demon. “I don’t know, throw some weird narration in hard-to-see text that doesn’t really mean anything but sounds deep at the same time, that’ll fix ‘er.”
Trust me, if someone narrated my life, it wouldn’t be fixed. Hearing someone say out loud that I’m currently using weird chopsticks so I can snack and type at the same time does not make it an okay thing to do, morally.”