Thank you for applying to be a nameless thug in Batman: Arkham Asylum.
Below is a quiz to help you determine whether you are the right fit for our henchperson program here on the island. Please be as honest as possible. Unless dishonesty is a big part of your personality as a thug. Then I guess lie.
1. When guarding an area, I tend to:
A. Look around in all directions, moving quickly and quietly for the duration of my watch.
B. Look straight ahead, walk with a liesurely shuffle, and keepin my weapon at the low ready.
C. Look straight ahead and at the ground while complaining aloud to no one in particular about how spooky I find my surroundings.
2. If asked by other henchmen, I would say my chances of beating Batman in hand-to-hand combat are:
A. Very slim, but I will try to take advantage of any opportunities that present themselves in the moment.
B. Good. I’m pretty good at fighting, and if 20 of us attack him in a hallway, we have a decent chance.
C. In the bag. I dare him to show his stupid pointy-ear face around here. No other thugs have been very successful at even injuring him in any minor way, but I feel like this is because they don’t fight good.
3. I feel that the attire best-suited to taking over a prison insland, which may involve hand-to-hand combat, being indoors and outdoors, and possibly entering the sewers, would be:
A. A pair of sensible, non-cotton pants and longsleeved shirt, coat, boots, and some kind of headwear and gloves as an option.
B. Pants, t-shirt, and jacket showing gang affiliation.
C. Cargo pants, no shirt whatsoever, and clown facepaint. Tattoos optional, but encouraged.
4. As a henchperson, you may be asked to fight alongside others that are vastly more powerful than you. For example, Bane. If Bane were to rush to tackle Batman and accidentally trampled and crushed a fellow henchperson, I would:
A. Leave the area as I feel that my body is only getting in the way at this point and I really have very little to gain here.
B. Leave the area as Bane seems to be sort of nuts and might decide to smash me through a wall, regardless of how things go with Batman.
C. Stand up and continue to fight Batman, completely ignoring what Bane is doing for the remainder of the encounter and hoping that he’ll just figure out a way to fight alongside the rest of us henchpeople. I think we’re right on the cusp here.
5. If I hear a noise, my reaction is to:
A. Cautiously check out the source, keeping in mind that the noise may have been caused by Batman and therefore being very careful and methodical about approaching the area, possibly from an unexpected angle, if possible.
B. Run over immediately, but make sure backup is right with me.
C. Walk towards the room in question, but then back into the room slowly while pointing my gun in the exact opposite direction of the noise. Reverse psycology.
6. Batman does not kill, however he beats the bejeezus out of henchpeople fairly regularly. As a henchperson, would you say your body is:
A. Slightly above normal human level, likely to survive being punched in the liver very hard.
B. Slightly above normal human level, but likely to walk with a limp for the rest of my life if struck full in the back by a man who is swinging down from 75 feet above my head.
C. Excellent. Certainly able to survive being picked up and hurled down an elevator shaft.
7. As an accomplice to a crime, I feel the endgame in this situation consists of:
A. Very little, most likely, but as a prisoner who has no chance for parole, a jailbreak is far more fascinating and fulfilling than being a prisoner some more.
B. I’m pretty sure that I’ll somehow manage to slip away during the confusion.
C. Once the Joker kills Batman, he will probably make us all kings of different buildings in Gotham. I would pick a skyscraper, but I would settle for something maybe a little smaller but in a nicer part of the city.
8. I’ve decided that it’s reasonable to team up with the Joker because:
A. I had very little choice in the matter.
B. All the other guys were doing it.
C. I know he has a bad reputation for shooting his own people, but I’m pretty sure that won’t happen to me because I’m pretty good at henching. Pretty damn good if I do say so myself.