Hello. I’m interested in getting a giant system put in my car. You know, the kind that makes crazy bass noises.
What’s that? Yes, I’m aware it’s 2014. Yes, I’m also aware that 1994 and 2014 aren’t the same thing. What odd questions you have.
Let’s make sure that we know the level of bass I’m talking about.
I want that bass that really is distorted as all shit. This IS an old Honda Accord, so the way I’ll know the bass is working is if all the trim, the panels inside the doors, all he pieces of plastic are rattling like crazy. I find a plastic-on-plastic rattling sound to be the ultimate in terms of auditory experience. When I go to the movies I’ll buy a box of Goobers and shake them next to my ear every time I think there should be more bass coming through the speakers. Someone asks what I’m doing, and I say, “BASS, motherfucker!”
One of the great things about a lot of bass is that when your friends get out of the car, they feel almost refreshed. Relieved. It’s like when you’re in a crazy loud concert and then go outside, you all of a sudden feel like your life just get 10% better. I want it like that, except all from bass, and all controlled by me.
See, a lot of people consider a car some sort of vehicle. A way to get places. They don’t consider how a car can be used to really annoy the holy shit out of everyone else. How you can make it an expression of you. In my case, expressing that I’m so willing to make other people unhappy that I’ll sit in a car of total sound misery just to do so.
Anyway, I’m going to go loosen the windows. The way they’re seated right now, I’m just not sure they’ll rattle enough to make all of my driving experiences unpleasant and hellish.