Monster: Fuck Oatmeal.
Monster: Not just t-shirts and hats and stickers anymore, before which we weren’t just a drink and then became t-shirts and hats and stickers and things got out of control.
Monster: For when Chew dipped in Dew just won’t Do.
Monster: Free the beast, like that fucking scary guy in the painting in Ghostbusters II.
Monster: If you can hold this shit down, you can totes do BMX stuff.
Monster: Remember, it’s in the tall can. Remember, wallet in right pocket.
Monster: Crack one open, but for the love of god don’t forget to brush your teeth. Seriously, drinking this is like scraping them with an Xacto knife.
Monster: Slough off all that worthless lower intestinal tissue.
Monster: If you ain’t crapping green, you just ain’t mean.