Not only do we grow these things for the pure amusement of watching their brief lives snuffed out in mere moments, faster than a goddamn match head, but now they have to race?
Okay, it does fulfill that childhood fantasy where I always sort of hoped that the cat and dog would finally throw down for real, but this just pales in comparison. Do Sea Monkeys even have blood?
Does one die if it loses? I’ll bet this thing was equipped with a sensor, and once one Sea Monkey crossed the finish line some blades came out of the sidewalls and ground the losers into even more miniscule particles.
And is it just me, or are these kids sucking the Sea Monkeys into some kind of turkey baster and then squirting them into the track? Something about that doesn’t sit right, although filling a Super Soaker with live Sea Monkeys would really add something to my normal water/boiling water/pickle juice/pee rotation.