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So I get online to see if Borders has a DVD I’m looking for.  Yes, I know that there are about 50 better, cheaper places

Okay, for those of you who are sick of goddamn Mega Man, this is the last day of Mega Man.  I promise it’ll be back

More Mega Man, you say? Hell yes. Yesterday we spent some time exploring the wonderful world of box covers.  Today we talk about the characters.

Okay, here’s a quick catch-em-up for people who were dead, too dumb to avoid playing outside, or poor in the 90’s: Mega Man is a

The ogre Re:  Coffee Cup Calamity! someone is watching you some dudette’s dead mouse in children’s weird phone call holocaust films even more cake Chinese

Well, here’s the owner’s manual for my motorcycle that I finally scrounged up online.  This is the main piece of advice it gives on maintenance

 Let me just say up front that I have no personal problem with dicks.  I acknowledge their right to exist and though I am not

Well, you can most certainly imagine my delight when this was placed on my desk by wonderful, wonderful coworkers.  I have so much to say

The key to a successful Home Depot trip is preparation.  And I mean more preparation than it takes to go on a normal shopping excursion,

Howdy, So, after finishing Chuck Palahniuk’s newest book, Tell-All, I have to say that he’s been in a bit of a slump.  For me.  However,

  I was born a twin.  There was me and my brother Eric.  For a long time, my parents pretended that we were one kid. 

  Scroll .  The .  Hell .  Down! . . . . . . . . . . .

Hello Out There, While I do want to thank you for your prolific comments, I have to say that so far I haven’t been fooled. 

Here are some selections from a favorite catalogue.  It’s no SkyMall, but it has some amazingly shitty stuff, plus some of the most awkward models

with guest art by Alec Do you think that Superman, because he has X-Ray vision, finds guts attractive the way I find boobs and butts,

Welcome to shopping cart driver’s ed.  My name is Pete and I will be your instructor. I recognize a lot of you.  Lady With About

Mixed Cd Party. Premise:  10 people come, each making a mixed CD and making 10 copies of said CD.  Everyone exchanges and drinks. Result:  New

Double-Sided Business Cards:  This way, every time they’re sitting in a fishbowl and waiting to win a free lunch for the whole office, everybody can

Phase 1:  All employees wear billowy button-up shirts in purples and pinks. Phase 2:  Half-oval signs sticking off the side of the building so that

Sizing Up:  Stepping into Someone’s Shoes WithOUT Stepping on Their Toes. Motivated SalesWomanShip:  How You Can Raise a Fortune Selling Tickets for Ladies-Only Cruises. Play-Dohn’t: 

Okay, let’s just stop it with the opening bands. Before budding musicians out there get upset, let me say that I understand your point.  Yes,

1. Get sweet jacket.  Men hate cold girls. 2.Wear the tie and shirt of Dwight Schrute. 3.  Carry a clipboard.  That way they know you

Some new favorite items. This is a frozen food.  I’m not a chef when it comes to Texas toast.  But am I to understand that

Regular readers probably know how I feel about Quiznos.  But if you’re new, as I suspect many of you are, there are some things you

Today’s entry enhanced with FArt by heather So, great news today.  Your friend and the friend of my panini (circa 1999) Tyra Banks has a

Review of Your Place Coffee: Coffee:  Good Service: Good Atmosphere:  Good, though a little Bible-y Flying Ants: Present, burrowing into my hair, and dying in

Some of the free items available on Craigslist RIGHT NOW!   First of all, thanks for the suggestion.  You are correct in thinking that I

Why do I know where the Amazon river is while I can’t point to Korea on a map? How come I know how to find

A collection of photos that wrap up loose ends from the last week. I had always suspected that the lady at Spicy Pickle had a

  So, these are the words craigslist asked me to type in for authentication.  This is for real.  Now, of all the words in the

Report: Uncle Jay-Bob’s Mid-MidWay Funhouse!!! Status: Condemned Comments: House did not meet standards issued by OSHSHAA, PECTRJD, or the Board of JSEDH Report: [transcribed from

“Oh no, your parents are coming!  We gotta hide this boner somewhere, quick!” “I picked up your prescription, honey.  Oh, man, looks like it’s a

with special treat:  Fan Art (FArt) by Ian! “Do not look up.  This is a robbery.  Put everything you’ve got into an empty Fritos bag

Real text transcript between Pete and his brother: Brother: You got a letter from the IRS.  Maybe you won their sweepstakes.  Doesn’t look like a

As you might expect, someone in my position comes across some real shit books.  And I’m not just talking about the ones where a train

Dear Christians, I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately.  I was in a coffee shop the other day and there was a bizarre homeless

Well, you’ve really done it, honey company. Can I ask a quick question?  Why is this bear goddamn wall-eyed?  Am I supposed to think he’s

One morning I got a call at seven asking me to come in.             I said sure.             When I woke up all the way

There’s a picture somewhere in my mom’s house that shows me standing in a black McDonald’s uniform.  Well, mostly black.  The hat was maroon.  But

Inappropraite Ways to Describe How You Like Your Coffee: . . I like my coffee like I like my boys who whistled at a white

Most of you probably remember the motion picture Beetlejuice.  If you don’t, get in your car and drive straight through your garage.  Fixing the door

  Those of you who are local may have noticed that our Hollywood Videos are closed.  This is sad because I missed my opportunity to

  The Giving Tree:  the story of a tree and this greedy son of a bitch who loves(?) her. The BFG -or- Big Things Are

Today, we at Helpful Snowman are proud to present our first ever contest! Today’s contest is somewhat of a guessing game, somewhat of a way

“Which character from Herman’s Head lives inside your head?” “How many years will you live after the beginning of your real sorrows?” “Which Insane Clown

Whoops!  No New Content Today! But seriously, have you checked out anything on the Fiction page?

This is how every goddamn how-to-draw book works: 1. Start out with balls. Not those kind of balls. You have to start with body balls,

  “TTYL; TTFN; L8R, G8R (series), by Lauren Myracle Reasons: Nudity, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group, Drugs I don’t mean to be

Dear Publisher, I received your original design for the Rilke book. Just made a few mockups while still keeping the original design fresh in my

I just wanted to share a couple of things from some Star Wars comics that I find totally inappropriate.  If this is too nerdy for

-Stick to cardboard.  The black on brown really screams, I’m not having money! -Font is key.  The straighter and neater your letters are, the less

To get to the other side.

Dear People Who Own Places, I just want to say what a great job you are doing running things over where you are.  The walls

1.  Name 2. Circle the name of person who was biggest the dick in high school:       Kyle       Greg 3.  Write in the name of a

Can I just point out a few things that I hope would come up before this?  How can this be searched so often that it

1.  Leave work at library. 2.  Drive downtown. 3.  Suddenly need to shit. 4.  As urgency increases drastically, elect to stop at bowling alley. 5. 

-Why did you make me draw the Amazon river when I don’t even know where Korea is? -How come I can figure the area under

Question 1: Do you prefer music that is: A.) Classical in the over-exciting, grating way B.) 80’s Keyboard Heavy C.) Depressing in that you remember

Dear the Internet, First, thank you for the wide selection of pornography.  It is wonderful, and it makes me feel very fortunate when I think

-Eatability -Presence in my stomach -Filled with money?