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Are you tired of not having a flat belly?  I can help. I have real, flawless, online tips for a flat belly.  You may have

Lots of people ask for advice.  Not from me, but from people like Dear Abby.  What does that crusty old bitch know that I don’t? 

You fuckers. I’m getting sick, and this is probably your fault.  Allow me to explain what happened here: First, you got sick, probably because you’re out

As our annual feature, we at helpfulsnowman.com would like to make a strong Halloween costume suggestion. We have lots of costumes based on everyday things,

From Wikipedia:  Foley is the reproduction of everyday sounds for use in filmmaking.   These reproduced sounds can be anything from the swishing of clothing and

Before we go any further, I know that people spell it differently.  But fuck that.  K-O-R-A-N is just easier, and I have to type it

My second special request in one week? At this rate, I won’t have to come up with ideas anymore.  The world of shit talk and

We probably all know about the downfall of Blockbuster, the company that is declaring bankrupt and has the whole world saying, “Wait, I thought you

Have you ever wanted to write a book for children, but you’re not sure how?  Use this simple children’s book generator to create your masterpiece

Before we get started, let me tell you about the other three movies I’ve walked out of in my life: 1.  Freddy Got Fingered.  I

Tell us why you’re interested in this position. This is still for money, right?  Nah, just kidding.  This position is interesting to me because I’m

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Let me ask a question: How come some people go to Qdoba and all of a sudden think they are boss of the restaurant? I

Why is this thing so fucking small?  This is a DVD remote, not a cell phone.  I’m not carrying this around in my pocket.  I

Happy Birthday to April, The Prologue The prologue?  You have enough information about someone’s birthday that it requires a prologue? Seth’s Birthday…A Month Later Yeah,

* * * …aaaand at this point I realized that though I would like the joke to continue, I am 100% out of historical figures

1.)  Steve’s dad wants to be Steve’s best man.  But Steve wants his buddy Eric to be his best man because Steve’s dad is kind

Why, no matter how stupid, do I always have to try new kinds of chips on the rack at Subway? Seriously, I don’t like Sun-Dried

When someone asked me to come up with some good places to get married, I thought, Yes.  I am the right person for this job. 

Dear Snowman, Tell me your opinion on this book idea!? Okay, so this is what I’ve got so far for an idea for an anime-out

A really annoying question I get a lot is, “Are you growing your hair out?”  Well, yes.  But not really by choice.  This has come

Signs I Considered Putting on This Chair That Was Definitely Not Mine, But Near My Place (now bedbug) FREE! God, I hate this chair. This

This is a review of the place, not the acts.  Which is how it should be, dummies.  You don’t rate a movie theater based on

Ok, dude, so, I have no need for a chair right now.  I really don’t.  Mostly because I’m more in to dating short women as

Also available now on the writing page, helpfulsnowman.com/writing This is a hand grenade

You know you want my chair. http://fortcollins.craigslist.org/zip/1913818008.html Shit!  I been flagged.  If that one doesn’t work.  Try this one: http://fortcollins.craigslist.org/zip/1913887920.html

Southern Slave Owner:  So tell me what you have going here. Egyptian Pharaoh:  Well, we have our slaves building these wonderful pyramids. SSO:  Uh huh. 

-What if everyone besides me can read minds, and I’m the only one who can’t do it, but nobody is saying anything because it’s such

In my travels I’ve come across some pretty great library books.  Have a looksee: Ah, nothing like a good weather disaster story.  Like on the

The other day I went and saw Scott Pilgrim vs. the Universe with an excitement that I can only describe as “a boner.”  The comics

So it turns out that I subconsciously decided to (poorly) model my hair after Eric from Boy Meets World. This would be a great decision

Just a little pic from a recent trip to Utah. C’mon, guys.  This is a little much.  I know there’s room for tradition here, but

Dear Creepy Fucks, This letter is to all of you, but also only one of you. Allow me to explain. As you have probably noticed,

Me at Work:  Yeah, we have a vending machine.  I’ll walk you over this way.  So, how’s your day going so far? Asshole:  That is

Because summer time is concert time, here is a list of six of the worst people you will see at concerts this summer.  If you

“After I used a bottle to decapitate a beetle that was running across the floor, I was thinking about…” “I was using a toenail clipping

“It’s a Love Thing (, a Fleshlight, Now Put it Back Where You Found It)” “Where the Blacktop Ends (Is that the Shel Silverstein Book?)”

Ah, the Southwest.  Nothing like the desert slathered in green chili.  But you know what’s really great about the southwest is all of the great

“Hey buddy.  Have a good afternoon.  Please try and invite yourself to someone else’s house for dinner.  I suggest holding your tummy and mentioning that

In the summer you really get a break from what I like to call Board Game Season.  Board Game Season usually runs from about Thanksgiving

Okay, guys.  Thanks for coming to the meeting here.  Alright, so hit me with some ideas.  I’m thinking a skull, for sure.  Definitely need a

This week’s list consists of brands that you should really stop playing around with. If you are still using or promoting these brands, please cease

Most of you probably already know about the above ad.  Certainly anyone who has read a comic book between the years of ever and now. 

Q.  Does anyone know where to find free software for making comics? . A.  Well, yes.  I have found several free softwares, but they are

“Way more than once upon a time, the Jews were having some really bad days.” . “Since the dawn of time and then a little

Before we go too far into this, it is important for you to know that this isn’t some crazy bit we’re running here.  This is

Harvey Pekar 1939-Yesterday Almost everything you read about Harvey Pekar starts with a question.  And usually that question is, Who is Harvey Pekar? The really

So recently I just read this trade paperback called, Batman: International.  Let’s keep the snickering to a minimum.  The basic idea here is that somebody

First off, I challenge anyone to actually remember that title with complete accuracy in two hours.  The Boy Who Never Slept and Couldn’t Want…No, The

This week’s list us sort of for a specific set of people:  People who are opening barbecue restaurants.  I love barbecue.  Some people will eat

My Thighs:  Where ingrown hairs are homegrown hairs. My Left Arm:  The “Flail Me” Appendage. My Taint:  The crossroads of everything gone wrong. My Back: 

“It wasn’t too bad, although it was full of bug corpses.” “There were about 30 shirtless boys playing around in there.” “Before you go in you

Talking to Girls About Duran Duran: One Young Man’s Quest for True Love and a Cooler Haircut by Rob Sheffield Okay, before we get too

Okay, this is something that’s been pissing me off for a little while now. Everybody, can we calm down on the Harley merchandise? Seriously, what’s

Fish- “You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me. A fish? And I suppose you just think that water comes out of the tap for free and

Dear Read a Million Book Club, I just wanted to say right off that I think you’re really, really great. And now that I said

By special request, here is absolutely everything I know about the World Cup (with guest fart by Nica): *Apparently, there is a country called Slovenia. 

This week’s list consits of six pieces of advice you’ve probably heard that are totally wrong.  So wrong that it’s a wonder that we’ve even

w/ guest art by someone who didn’t probably mean for it to happen. So the other day I bought some pills at the gas station. 

Help me name my motorcycle! Winner will win a goddamn prize! The rules: -Don’t pick your own name.  That’s dumb.  You’re dumb. -Don’t be dumb

Things That Make Me Excited to See the New Movie Predators: -Danny Trejo -Laurence Fishburne -Topher Grace (I guarantee you there will be a scene

Does anybody object to this?  Not sure if this has already been done, but I figured I needed to do it since I was the

On buying shitty saddlebags for my dumb motorcycle, I thought the hardest part would be installing them as I have no mechanical abilities or even a

Things I Wish I Had Said Out Loud When a Spider Came Rappelling Down From the Shorts I Had Just Put On: “This is outrageous!” “This

Here’s a new gem from the book sale.  This book uses teh tactic of putting animals in place of the balding, swarthy sweat piles that

Welcome to this week’s 6 List.  This is a new feature here at Helpful; Snowman, a weekly column that will help me share my sage

Dear Big Movie Studio, I was thinking we might take a different direction with the trailer and marketing.  Based on market research on time-travel films,

And the winner is… Dumb Bitch at the Hospital Whose Sole Occupation Appears to Be Standing Outside the Front Doors and Yelling at People to

Alright, son.  Have a seat. On the table you will see a black folder.  Do not open it. Contained within are ten vignettes printed on

“Wearing bright green and bright yellow together is a sure-fire way to not regret fashion choices in the future!” “I accept that looking like Martin

Update #347df7fgu7: Make laptop screen wobbly as hell on hinges. Update#f87egsovufgv: Make bottom of computer get extremely hot within 4 seconds of turning computer on.

I left two days ago to go rafting, so according to my calculations, I’ve been missing for about 18 hours.  You will find a set

Well, had a great customer in front of me in line at Subway yesterday.  Sometimes you have these days where you go in and you

– Fall out of boat and drown in rapids. -Fall out of boat and drown, not so much because of rapids but because the water

8 AM-  Shakespeare wakes up, ruins all of 8th grade by writing some shit play about this broad who loves this dude and they can’t

“…hair-sprouting moles are less likely to mutate. ‘Melanoma kills hair follicles, so hair is considered a sign of mole health,’ Davis adds. Keep in mind that

Prototype 1:  Fish Head, Woman Body Pros: -Can walk -Can STRUT -Can punch -Vijujy & boobies Cons: -Necessitates creation of creature whose shell can be worn

I know a lot of people out there work in restaurants and have worked in restaurants in the past.  I know that because every time