1. Have you ever been described in terms normally reserved for cleaning products, words such as “abrasive”, “scouring” or “only use in a well-ventilated area”?
2. Does your personal appearance make people uncomfortable in ways they have trouble articulating?
3. Are you fairly certain that the chores, errands, and business of others are completely unimportant?
4. Do you have access to a single, grubby pen from a bank that closed over 15 years ago?
5. Please list at least3 alternatives to the question, “Will you sign this petition?” Think in terms of things like, “Do you have 1 second to save the life of a non-white child?” or “Sir, are you a total piece of shit?”
6. Okay, maybe your look is like this. Do people ever feel that you look very normal from a distance, then get closer and know something’s off, and then when you talk and look them in the eye, that’s when they get a flash of waking up while bound and gagged with only stumps for legs?
7. Can you rattle off three or four facts about whales that sound real?
8. Are you completely unable to make smalltalk for the amount of time it takes someone to sign your petition, forcing the person to feel uncomfortable and filled with regret?
9. Do you essentially disappear when you’re not out working petitions? Are you the person who nobody sees ever outside of this job? Who almost seems to vanish the moment the petition is done, or possibly return to living underground?
10. When you look at this inkblot, do you see anything besides a dead animal?