Apartment Hunting: Signs That Your Standards May Be Low

You consider it legitimate apartment-hunting practice to scatter pieces of candy around the room and wait for ants to emerge from the baseboards.

Your questions regarding centipedes all being with the phrase, “On average, how many…”

You consider it important to ask whether the doormat comes with the unit.

Upon finding a piece of dog feces on the grass outside, you briefly consider inspecting it just to be certain it’s not human.

You are briefly alarmed when a neighbor uses the dumpster and the sound of his garbage bag hitting the metal container doesn’t ring out with the collision of dozens of liquor bottles.

You notice a car in the parking lot has pennies in the cup holder and think, “Sheeeit, in my hood…”

You have to remind yourself that there very well may be families living here, and just because there aren’t 3/4 nude children wandering into traffic while drinking a bottle filled with cola doesn’t mean that there are no children at all.

You notice that the cigarette butts near the road consist mostly of brands that you actually knew existed.