Dear Rec Volleyball Team Captains,
As you know, we’ve been very lenient when it comes to team names. Because this is an adult league, oriented towards recreation as opposed to competition, we decided to turn a blind eye to the naming conventions that resulted in names like “The Gasholes” employed by a local oil and gas concern, and “The Test Tickles.”
But this new round of names has taken things too far. We don’t know if you all got together and came up with these en masse or if it’s just a coincidence, but we’re putting a stop to this immediately.
The following teams will need to turn in new names no later than Friday (12/7) in order to be eligible to play:
Casual Sex (“Casual Sets” was borderline, but allowable the past several seasons you used it. Why you decided to just change it to “sex” is unclear)
Just The Tips. Then The Whole Rest Of The Penis Also (outside of being inappropriate, WELL outside the character-length guidelines)
Big Ol’ Sloppy Saggy Hitties (this one will be permitted if you remove a minimum of 2 adjectives)
The Fuckholes (I mean, this one requires no explanation)
The Fuckholes Are Shitty At Volleyball Because They Are Fucksticks (The Fuckholes was the worst-named team, but congratulations, you found a very lazy way to do something worse)
Bill Cosby Level Spikers (not even going to dignify this one with an explanation)
Kiss My Ace(hole) After I Just Diarrhea-ed (you were alright up to the parenthesis. It’s like, we get it. You don’t have to clarify that much)
Cock Blockers (your name gave away that you’re an all-male team in a co-ed league. Also that you’re bad)
Anal Sets (nope)
Butt Sets (nope)
Consensual Sets (this, sadly, was the best name of the bunch. Still nope)