Shit Remote

Why is this thing so fucking small?  This is a DVD remote, not a cell phone.  I’m not carrying this around in my pocket.  I DON’T TAKE IT WITH ME ON VACATION!

I dare you to try and hit one button at a time.  I’m going to have to mount this on a piece of wood so that it lays flat and I can poke the different buttons with chopsticks.

And I’m not using this in a well-lit lab or some such shit.  That is to say, I live underground, nobody really knows how far.  But it’s not exactly a well-lit situation where I have my glasses on and don’t have one hand covered in Dorito dust.  All the buttons are the goddamn same!  How do you make a remote where the buttons are all the same size and shape, where Repeat has the same shape and size as, I don’t know, play?  What the fuck is repeat?  What the fuck is Repeat A-B for that matter?  Bookmark’s on there too.  If you use bookmarks, you’re an asshole.  Also, what a misnamed tool.  Bookmark?  It’s not a goddamn book.  The only use for a bookmark is to mark where you are IN A BOOK, or to mark a place in a book so people think you know how to read.

There are so few reasons that you would want this to be so small.  Am I running a shitty hotel where you pay a deposit on the remote, so I have a whole stack of them down at the front desk where I eat my bologna and flecks of tobacco sandwiches?  Is this a good way to punish a roommate, slip the remote into your pocket so he can’t work the DVD player properly?  Shit, what am I going to do without the Video Sel. button, whatever the fuck that is?

Some things are better small.  Phones, iPods, and most of the stuff you carry around all day because you use it on or off all day.

Some things are better large.  You could make a very small alarm clock, but if you can’t read the time and you’re not bringing it around with you, no need.