I just found out that at the end of the race there will be beer. And that beer is Michelob Ultra.
I’ve never had a Michelob Ultra. I have a pretty good diet, but I kinda think the idea of a “sports beer” is stupid.
Oh, good hiking! Have a beer. But not one that’ll fuck up your body! Because really it’s the carbs, not the fact that a beer makes you feel great because you’re poisoning yourself. 
Don’t get me wrong. I loves me some beer. I’m going to drink a beer tonight. I just think it’s kinda dumb to be like, OH, if only there was a healthy beer! One for someone like ME, someone who thinks a bike is an easy chair. Because I’m that stupid. 
And you couldn’t even get a picture of Lance Armstrong on a bicycle with a real background? No way of locating that rarity?
Ugh. Kill me.
I guess, counting here, this person availed herself of the famous 7 pack of beers. Good for you, dude!
Yeah, like dis shit. Fuck this guy, y’know? What does a beer have to do with any of this? Also, as someone who has taken many an ice bath, it’s a shot of bourbon you want. Not some lameass light beer.
You just know some b-hole was like, “Gimme something crossfit-y.” If you’re going to talk about the extra mile, shouldn’t this person be biking or running or something? Shouldn’t this say something about power out of the hole? Uh, that’s a squatting term. Not an asshole thing.
I mean, what else is there to say? Fuck this guy. Fuck his hair, fuck his sepia picture with the stupid ribbon of text across it. Fuck it.
All that said, I’m totally gonna slam as many Michelob Ultras as they’ll let me. Because I’m an athlete.