Family Matters, I daresay, has jumped the shark, reinvented the sitcom plotline, and stretched the A/B story format more than any other goddamn show that wasn’t doing it in an obnoxious, ain’t it funny Adult Swim way..
1. Stefan Machine
Urkel, still with the love of Laura in his heart, devises the ultimate scheme to win her heart … a potion that will turn him into an ultra-suave ladies man. Stefan Urquelle quickly wins Laura’s heart, but it isn’t long before she’d rather have the irksome nerd back.
Note: This is the first appearance of Urkel’s alter-ego, Stefan Urquelle, played by Jaleel White in a dual role.
We all remember Steve Urkel, right? Well, what about Stefan Urquell? This was not Steve’s evil twin. This WAS Steve altered by a machine that he stepped inside of and changed him into a cooler version of himself. This was all thanks to his secret “Cool Juice” formula.
Okay, this is something that works in a show like Ninja Turtles where oozes and slime were responsible for almost every plot turn in the show’s history. But in a show where problems along the lines of the widowed Rachel going on her first date since the death of her husband, it stands out to have a machine that coolifies someone.
Steve takes the misguided step in order to impress the undateable Laura, but Laura doesn’t even like Stefan because Stefan is cool and popular, therefore an asshole. So what’s extra weird is that we do ultimately learn a lesson about being yourself, I guess even if yourself is the most obnoxious black kid of all times, but the way we get there is by creating a machine that alters a human’s genetics in a way that seems very ephemeral and unquantifiable. It would be like making a machine that makes hit songs. You could do it, but you’re never going to be able to add in that x-factor. You’ll never make another Hocus Pocus by Focus.
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2. Urkel Bot
Urkel creates Urkelbot, which soon develops a mind of its own and sets a trap to snare Laura for itself. Carl tries to slow down Estelle and Fletcher’s relationship.
Steve creates a robot version of himself which goes haywire. Now, I’m no expert in robotics, but I’m not entirely sure why one would create a robot version of oneself. I think I’m doing all the masturbating and eating of Bugles that’s really necessary around here. Believe me, it’s covered. And why does Urkel Bot have glasses? Why would you create a robot with flawed vision that needs corrective lenses? That makes no goddamn sense.
And why do these science people always make their goddamn robots one-thousand time stronger than the average man? How about ten times? And we make it so you can turn it off from a distance. Maybe that was the point of the glasses. When Urkel Bot starts fucking around you just knock his glasses off and he can’t see anything. Suck it, science!
Perhaps more baffling than the robot itself was the fact that the robot was played by an actor other than Jaleel White. I suppose it was so the two could appear together on screen, but the fact that another person was ready to step into that role is mind-blowing.
3. Carl and Urkel on American Gladiators
Carl and Urkel get into a feud, and decide the only way to settle their grievances is to compete on American Gladiators, thanks to Waldo’s cousin American Gladiator Sabre.
What better way to settle a dispute than to hit someone with a staff and race them over an inclined treadmill? Especially when one of you is a borderline obese cop and the other is rail think and likely to splinter every bone in his body just by looking at Nitro?
Well, I can’t think of anything better myself. Certainly not talking it out or possibly putting some kind of lock on your door to keep teenage strangers out of your house. You guys live in Chicago! You should know better than to leave your goddamn front and back door unlocked! Or how about this, just wait until you see Urkel on his Pogo Ball and sort of…nudge him with the front bumper as you speed down the street? Give him a limp, slow him down a little.
The episode was that weird moment when the series made a decision: All other TV shows are real. Sort of the way Sinbad showed up on the Cosby show and we could no longer reference the Sinbad TV show. I guess one could argue that American Gladiators was a gameshow, and in classic sitcom tradition gameshows don’t count, but that was thrown out the window when we discovered that Sabre, American Gladiators’ resident non-white, and Waldo, Family Matters’ resident Jazz from Fresh Prince, were cousins. Why that needed to happen is another mystery of 90’s television, friends.
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(This is tangential, but if you consider yourself a TV personality the likes of Sabre, but the only picture of you online is of your masterful performance of Jax from one of the Mortal Kombat movies, a 150X150 picture no less, you should really look into…anything else. Maybe see if that cousin of yours can get you another walk-on on Family Matters)
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4. Urkel Jumps the Shark…Jetpack Style
Confession: As I attempted to read the Wikipedia entry chronicling these events, I laughed too hard to finish. Twice this happened. Few remember Urkel’s appearance on Full House, and fewer his appearance on Step By Step. However, it’s an elite fighting force of Friday night TV that remembers both. Now, this being the TGIF lineup, did Urkel just walk in the door to great applause? Hell no. There had to be a logical explanation for his arrival to the Tanner residence:
In the 1991 episode, Stephanie Gets Framed Urkel is called in to help Stephanie Tanner (Jodie Sweetin) deal with her anxieties after she has to get glasses. He was cousin to a friend of D. J.. In the original airing, this episode appeared right after a Family Matters episode where Steve uses a jet pack to rocket through the Winslow’s roof and into the air away from Chicago, implying that he landed in San Francisco into the Full House universe.
Okay, fair enough. I’m willing to buy that this dork kid from Chicago flew cross-country to San Francisco where he was welcomed into a home that seemed to welcome everyone from a biker to a bongo player for the Beach Boys to the lead singer of the band Jesse and the Rippers. Wait…I guess those were all Uncle Jesse. Okay, but nevertheless, I’ll buy it. But how did he get to the Step By Step world, you ask?
In the series’ second episode, The Dance, Steve lands in the Step by Step family’s back yard after launching himself with a rocket pack from the living room of the Winslows’ house on Family Matters (the two scenes being shown in uninterrupted sequence, as Family Matters and Step by Step aired back to back on television at the time), and then helps his science-fair pen pal, Mark Foster and lifts Alicia “Al” Lambert spirits after her potential date dumps her just before a school dance. White reprises his “Do the Urkel” dance in the scene where Al gives the boy that dumped her his comeuppance.
Ah, that’s a fond memory, the one where Urkel jetpacks AGAIN and the dad from Step By Step beats the holy hell out of a preteen in an alley.
So not only does Urkel jetpack into a different show once, but twice. But the really weird part about it? They use this incredible method of injecting him into these other shows, and when he arrives he’s solving mundane problems like shame over glasses and not finding a date to the dance. The juxtaposition of these two things is not easy to forget. Not to mention, how would you feel about a bizarre black kid nerd jetpacking into your yard from seven states away? I’d say let’s have the cops come pick him up and figure it out.
5. Wha?
Urkel agrees to tutor Eddie, who is failing his algebra class, under one condition that he set him up on a date with Laura. He holds Eddie’s Prince concert tickets as collateral to ensure his wish will come true. His date with Laura is well, a perfect disaster. Carl makes a horrible attempt to fix a wobbly chair.
This is a classic Family Matters gambit, the overly complicated A story which is supplemented by a B story that is summed up in one sentence, almost to the point of spoiling the whole thing. Why is this so hilarious? Well, because as a regular viewer, I can tell you that Carl’s failing and increasingly ridiculous attempts to fix a chair occupy a good third of the episode. But then it gets the one line that really says it all, almost like someone asked, “But what about Carl?” Ah, don’t worry about Carl, young viewers. We’ve got quite a plan for him.
This is a hallmark of sitcoms, but Family Matters especially. It would get to points where the summary would be, “Eddie gets heavy into drugs and realizes it might not be the best idea after Waldo is knifed on the train (A story). Carl and Urkel have a pie fight (B story).”
6. Family Matters in Space
I. After NASAbuys the patent to one of Urkel’s inventions, he’s sent into space with a pair of astronauts to test it out. However, Steve’s invention unintentionally causes a nearby satellite to crash into the space shuttle, and before long he sends himself hurtling through outer space. Meanwhile, Harriette (worried for the well-being of rookie officer Eddie) demands to have him assigned to giving out tickets for parking meter violations.
II.NASA struggles to recover its astronauts and save Urkel’s life. However, all ends well, and Steve returns to Earth a national hero. Meanwhile, while on meter duty, Eddie finds himself in the middle of a shootout. Eddie doesn’t die thanks to the lucky bullet-proof vest that Carl gave him. Steve sees Laura at the end of the episode and says “You get more beautiful every time I see you.” Laura then says she will kiss him only on one condition, Steve will have to promise to “never go into outer space again.” Steve replies with “Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss” and they do, with a final applause from the audience.
Everyone please note that the idea of Urkel in space is a two-part episode. ‘Nuff said.
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All criticisms aside, two things:
1. Will someone put Reginald VelJohnson in some shit!? Not since John Goodman has a heavy-set sitcom dad been so undercast. This is 100% a serious request.
2. Normally when you Google image search a show it takes less than 3 pages to find a Photoshop version wherein someone has made it look like two of the show’s characters are fucking each other. After an exhausting 6-page search, nothing on Family Matters. Good work, folks. Family DOES Matter(s).