“Is that a centipede?”
Never ask that, just start killing. Nobody has ever killed what they thought was a centipede and then discovered it was just a very small puppy. It’s either a centipede or something else shitty, so just KILL.
“How many hot dogs do you think we need?”
I don’t know, all of them. Just buy ALL the hot dogs. They cost four cents. Just buy them buy them buy them.
“Are you growing your hair out?”
Are you growing your acne out? Because I see it on your face there. Isn’t everyone actively growing their hair out at all times? So yes, whether I like it or not, the hair is in fact growing. Whether it is a conscious fashion decision like my light dusting of unibrow hairs is another question entirely.
“Do you want to get popcorn?”
That’s why I’m here. What else am I going to do, watch a shit movie? It’s hard to decide if I need the popcorn more for a great movie or a shitty one. So stop asking and just hold my dumb ticket.
“Did you even wash your hands?”
No. Never. And I never will. So keep asking if you want, but don’t be upset when you get the answer that you already know is coming.
“Do you have any 3’s?”
Why are people still playing this game? You’ve heard of Xbox, right? The machine that will let you shoot a man’s head off of his body? And you’re asking me for a particular waxy piece of cardboard?