Pitched Episodes for My Cooking Show That Will Never See the Air

Episode:
Pete attempts to cook filet mignon and is devastated when informed by guest host (TBD) that filet mignon is not made up of clumped together hamburger as he was taught by his mother.  Pete, distraught, consumes majority of…primary ingredient needed to make side dish of beer-battered onion rings.

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Episode:
Pete attempts to make waffles.  Succeeds sort of.  Then extend show into two-parter when he tries to clean off the goddamn waffle iron which, for some fucking reason, can’t be unzipped or unclipped or whatever into two parts that go in the dishwasher.  Seriously, outer space but not realistic waffle maker?  Fuck!

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Episode:
Pete cooks bacon shirtless.  Is treated for over 10,000 severe micro burns.  Critiques bacon at various burn wards.

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Episode:
Pete teams up with Rachel Ray.  Rachel cooks up a storm of 30-minute meals while Pete sits at counter slowly grating cheese, debating whether or not he would have sex with Rachel Ray (“Is she hot?  Maybe….a little too tan…but what about…nah, WELL…hmm…”).

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Episode:
An unplugged fridge spoils entire goose for the show.  Pete spends the half hour “grilling” TV crew members until they either storm out or cry.  Twist ending: It was a guy who was working on installing another outlet on the oposite wall.

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Episode:
Thanksgiving Turktacular!  Pete shows how to cook a bird, but becomes violently ill when he discovers the turkey he purchased at an authentic Mexican grocery store has the giblets, head and feet stuffed in side.  Racial slurs bleeped out between retching sounds.