Greetings, Freeloaders.
Yes, freeloaders. Because I unloaded a shitload of free ebooks a couple weeks back. They were not worth 99-cents, but they were worth free.
Some people would probably be mad about that. Would pick up a grasshopper and try to squeeze it until it died, just to see if, even in insects, you can see the lights go out.
But, haha, not me! I’m happy you’re enjoying my things, or at least having them.
That said, I’d like to ask a small favor. Please review free ebooks. For the love of that grasshopper, who I totally killed and now I’m apologizing, review.
Now, I know some of you don’t consider yourselves expert reviewers. I know it can be very intimidating to enter a review on Amazon amongst all the other well-worded reviews for things like glue and different baseball bats, none of which really explain whether you can use the glue and bat in tandem in case of a Home Alone scenario.
Which is why I wanted to help. With this:
Pete’s Guide To Writing Reviews For His Books
Step 1. Pick an outlet
Amazon and Goodreads are the obvious first choices. Greatreads if you’re a part of that and it exists. But, you know, Twitter, Facebook. All these things are great too.
Step 2. Decide what you want to say
Keep in mind, it doesn’t have to be about the book. If you have writer’s block, I encourage you to engage in this little exercise: do a freewrite on the last time you shit yourself. Just tell us what happened.
Step 3. Wrap it up with the phrase that pays
Once your poop story is complete, just go to the next paragraph and type “And that’s what was really awesome about this book.”
That’s it! Barely any steps. You get something off your chest. I’m assuming the last time you shit yourself, some of it got on your chest. If not all. If it was a sex thing, then I guess mostly all of it got on your chest. But who knows!? That’s what’s so exciting about book reviews. You never know where the shit is going to end up.