Eat Your Own Cum Tutorial: A very short effective tutorial to tasting your own semen. by Ivana Tastit
My rating: 2 of 5 stars
I put a spoiler alert on here because it might spoil your day to read this.
Two stars for a method that probably works, but one star because this isn’t so much a method. I mean, a tutorial, to my mind, should walk you through the steps of doing something that you couldn’t really do otherwise. I thought Ivana Tastit would be to cum tasting what Mavis Beacon was to typing.
But alas, I can sum up the advice like this: just do it real quick, as soon as you get the idea, and before you change your mind.
I mean, are people considering this having a really hard time figuring out how to accomplish this task? I’d be willing to bet that 100% of men who have been genuinely curious about the taste of their own cum have been able to figure out how to make their dreams come true. Damn it, that’s not a pun.
The one good piece of advice Ivana Tastit gives is that you should basically jack off, and while you’re cumming, BEFORE YOU FINISH, taste your own semen. Because, as she puts it, the drive, the desire is gone almost immediately after the cum arrives.
And there’s the rub. That one WAS a pun.
If you have a weird hang-up that involves doing something that coincides with the exact moment the doing of that thing is no longer exciting, you’ve got a problem.
I bet this works if you’re already thinking about tasting your cum. But for the rest of us, and by “rest of us” I guess you’ll have to use your imagination here, it’s not super helpful.
Now, I know a lot of you are saying, “Pete, it’s easy to play armchair cumterback. What are your tips?”
Glad you asked. Actually, not glad, and you probably didn’t ask.
Here are my tips.
1. Try finishing into a bourbon, then shoot the bourbon. Is drinking your own semen in a shot of Beam the manliest act ever? Possibly.
2. Just finish into a batch of cookie dough, then make the cookies. Your semen will be diluted and unrecognizable, but you’ll get past the psychological barrier of it passing your lips.
3. I would like to suggest some snack chips and or crackers that might make a good vessel. Wheat Thins has a wonderful variety of flavors and choices. Wheat Thins are also vegan. Although I guess the vegan-friendly nature of Wheat Thins is disrupted when you slather them in semen, but I suspect that the reasons most people choose a vegan lifestyle have to do with values that are not disrupted by jacking off on a cracker. My basic suggestion here is to pick a snack you like, but not one you LOVE. Or, if you eat too much of something, like Doritos, then use this as an opportunity to cut them out of your diet.
4. I’ve seen a number of motion pictures that advocate the “popcorn trick” wherein a dude sticks his wonger through the bottom of a popcorn bucket, and then his date grabs it by accident(?) I’m not sure what’s supposed to happen. But I would say, go ahead and popcorn trick yourself. It’s not like eating semen, but eating a bunch of popcorn your dick has touched seems like a decent first step to indecency.
5. Jack off into an oyster, then eat it. Anyone who can tell the difference between a regular oyster and a jacked-off-in oyster can collect $100 from me. It’s the premise for an entire gameshow I pitched once.
6. Look over some of the music playlists from bodybuilding.com, especially the ones put up by powerlifters. Put those songs on before you start, and you’ll probably be pumped enough to do ANYTHING.
7. If you’re worried about it being a weird thing to do, simple solution. Just buy a SUPER expensive, bite-sized dessert. Like a truffle that costs $40 bucks or something. Then, jack off, and smear just a smidge on your truffle. Because then it’s like, “I can’t NOT eat this truffle.” Boom, done.
8. Accept that if you’ve eaten in restaurants or fast food joints during your life, you’ve certainly ingested some semen. It’s just a fact. Even if not on jacked off into your Chalupa, come on, you know some teen whacked it and then went straight back to work, thinking, “Well, it said I must wash hands if I used the restroom. Technically, I didn’t use the restroom.”
9. Find a partner to do it with you, and hook your arms around each other when you taste it. That seems more romantic.
10. Get those tiny pink spoons from Baskin Robbins. That’s fun. Now you can finally experience the secret 32nd flavor!