When I met you, I was holding in so many farts all night. I get the farts when I’m nervous. And now, tonight, thanks to a combination of nerves and chili with crushed-up Doritos…
There have been 50 Super Bowls, but there’s only one you…
I was hoping Beyonce would sing that song about putting a ring on it that you like so much, but just pretend she did and also that this velvet box didn’t get all fucked up from Funyun grease…
We’ve given up on life, and as such…
Haha, that Budweiser commercial was as hilarious as ever. But you know what’s not hilarious and is mostly serious? Marriage.