Good Morning!
I hope you all had a restful weekend and are ready to attack Monday with vigor!
It has come to my attention that we’ve recently received a lot of new donations of dolls for the museum, and that’s great! BUT, we need to be mindful of our policies when it comes to accepting donations and the way we generally go about our business. In addition, we’ve created some new policies to address some of the ongoing issues we face here at the MOD, and I’d just like to clarify those here.
First, always remember to get a full name of the donor, and make sure to google it before accepting any donations. If you come up with any hits such as occult web sites or message boards, DO NOT ACCEPT DONATION. In addition, click over to “images” and check for images of the person with ritualistic cutting on his/her skin and/or tattoos that appear similar to gateways to a dark dimension, usually located near the genitals.
Secondly, let’s not forget our policy of handcuffing all dolls upon receiving them. Too many recent donations have been put directly into locker storage, and when another employee opens the storage locker and expects to find a restrained doll, it’s quite a shock when the doll bursts forth from storage and begins strangling an employee with ferocious strength. Sure, MOST of the dolls don’t require restraint, and yes, it feels silly to place restraints on a doll in front of a donor, but remember, it’s not worth someone’s life just to keep you from looking silly, and we bought several different sizes of mini handcuffs for just this purpose.
Next, please do not bring wise guy, tough boyfriends to the MOD after hours. This seems to stir up trouble with the dolls that’s best avoided, and some of the staff’s rowdier boyfriends seem to get themselves in trouble. If you’re not sure whether your boyfriend is too tough to be around dolls at night for fear of awakening their murderous spirits, check if he wears a leather jacket, rides a motorcycle, and or is known amongst his friend group for carrying a specific type of knife.
I shouldn’t have to remind anyone of this, but there is NO SEXUAL CONGRESS permitted in the MOD. This includes open hours, when we’re closed, and especially on an equinox. Wiping of semen on dolls, stuffing a used condom in a doll’s pocket, and accidentally getting a doll involved in intercourse are all causes of doll-related murders that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
Sorry to have to come down on everyone like this, but better I come down on you in email than a doll comes down on you from the rafters and puts a boxcutter in your eye.
Back to donations.
If the doll does speak, make sure to pull its string several times and see all of the voice options. Record those on the provided sheet. If any of the recorded voices mention murder, killing, or seem to indicate that the doll knows you by name, DO NOT ACCEPT THE DONATION. Also, do not accept if the voice sounds like it comes from an adult male with a pack-a-day habit.
Should a potential donation come to life during the admittance proceedings, CEASE ALL ACTIVITY AND DO NOT ACCEPT DONATION. This is not a miracle or something the museum should study, this is a plague upon the Earth and we need not be a part of it.
Should a member of the public come to the museum asking questions about a doll that is behaving erratically (behaving at all with noticeable behaviors), please let them know that we cannot be involved in such things, but MOD membership DOES come along with an informational pamphlet about doll possession and referrals to a dollcorcist.
That’s all for Monday. Have a good one today, and watch your fucking back.