News Guy: Okay, what’s everyone got? Trump do anything wacky today?
Other News Guy: I don’t have a Trump thing. But Ted Cruz said “Net Neutrality is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.” It’s a pretty big statement on an important issue. People would be pissed if ISP’s could intentionally slow down certain-
News Guy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save it for your tech blog. What else?
Other News Guy: With the James Holmes verdict, I wonder if this Jeb Bush quote might be useful” “I want to accelerate, not slow down, the enforcement of the death penalty in Florida.” It’s 20 years old now, but it would be interesting to see how he’s changed or not over-
News Guy: That’s an even bigger snooze than the last one. I didn’t think it was possible, but goddamn, you did it. Next.
Other News Guy: Everyone is talking about what a bad businessman Trump is. But Carly Fiorina is consistently ranked as one of the worst CEO’s in American history. Maybe we could do a little investigating, check out the skeletons in that clos-
News Guy: I heard you say Trump and then I listened briefly, and then I tuned out.
Other News Guy: I read that she had a bunch of HP employees train their overseas replacements, and once the training was done, the Americans were fired.
News Guy: You’re fired. Get it, like how Trump says it. Alright, enough fluff journalism. Give me something good.
Other News Guy: Mike Huckabee says women who want employer-provided birth control options can’t control their libidos.
News Guy: You know what I want. Give it to me.
Other News Guy: Sir, please. We’ve reported on Trump for weeks. The man is obviously a fuck-up. But…don’t you think it’s kind of smokescreening the REALLY bad candidates, the ones who actually have a chance to win and have some dangerous views on shit?
News Guy: Hit me with it. You know what daddy likes.
Other News Guy: …Trump said ice cream is for queers.
News Guy: I want a full-page spread. Dig up a picture of Trump eating a cone. I don’t care if it’s a dipped cone or regular, swirl, vanilla, whatever. If you can’t find one, get me a sno cone or a popsicle. Just something. This is gonna be huge. Nice work!