You may have noticed this is chapter 11. Which is also like bankruptcy. Which is not a coincidence as Modelland is bankrupting my soul.
That may be taking it a bit far. But maybe not.
Tangential memory, I remember as a kid when Marvel Comics filed chapter 11. It’s probably hard to believe now, what with all the filmographic success and all, but I swear, it’s true. Mighty Marvel was Mighty Broke.
I was terrified. Was this the end of Spidery’s Web-Swingin’? Was Clobberin’ Time up? Was Black Widow going to trade in her leather bodysuit for sensible business attire and become, oh I don’t know, a social media expert?
Luckily, it didn’t happen. And we still have all of our heroic friends and their commitments to various revealing outfits.
Anyway, Modelland, Chapter 11.
All that happens in this entire chapter is that Tookie and two other girls are still being transported to Modelland in the gossamer ballsack. Which DOES fill up with “white goo” in these pages. Oh yeah. Just in case.
They are joined by another girl, who’s basically a dick and also not traditionally attractive. She points out that none of them are all that hot, to which Tookie’s friend has a brilliant retort like, “Ex-cuh-use me!?” That seems to be her gimmick. Or maybe it was Tyra’s attempt to get a catchphrase in. Although someone should let her know that shit died with Uncle Joey and Urkel.
Something did occur to me reading this part. For a book about modeling and beauty, this is probably one of the least sexy books of all time. Not that sexiness is something I always look for in a book. In fact, more often than not, it’s just uncomfortable.
But how do you do a book about beauty without having anything remotely sexy happen? I don’t know. But Tyra does. She’s cracked the code to a safe nobody wanted to see inside of.
The only love in this book is so chaste it’d make Stephanie Meyer be all like, “Oh, come on! At least throw a digit in a lady! Handys are fine! Even my asinine moral-highground upbringing says so!”
I’m hopeful we’ll get a sex scene because I can only imagine what that is like through the eyes of Tyra banks. Through the eyes, I said. Let’s leave it there. No need to be crude.