Another shitty figure from my youth.
Notice how on the packaging, the manufacturers chose to put quotes around “Talks.” Because when they heard this goddamn thing, I guess they figured that saying this thing actually speaks was being a little generous.
Here’s what we’ve got. A mediocre Wolverine figure, but he comes with a HUGE backpack, the size of his entire torso, and on top there are three buttons. Each one, when you press it, unleashes it’s own phrase.
“Take Your Best Shot.” Almost comprehensible. So I guess some credit is due there. But then we move to the next one-
“I got claws, I can use ’em!” Huh.
The thing you can’t tell in text, these two phrases sound like completely different voices. The first one is this raspy, crazed voice. Which makes sense because you could invent a reason Wolverine was carrying this backpack. His got some kind of throat disease and needs to be on oxygen. Ah, oxygen backpack! Which allows Wolverine to talk! Perfect!
The phrase is a little weird too. Specific. I got claws, I can use ’em.
The last one isn’t even talking. It’s just the sound of…I guess claws. Claws on metal?
Imagine hitting a metal pipe with a hammer. About 25 times, as fast as you could. One hammer in each hand, maybe.
How about some claws ripping through flesh? Or a scream? Or maybe the famous SNIKT of his claws popping out? How about something that sounds cool, or good? Were those not options?
Oh, and a final complaint. His claws were only as long as his fingers. They were barely long enough to extend beyond his fists. How the hell is he supposed to stab anyone with that nonsense?